See Slumdog Millionaire. Now. You won't regret it.
I remember several times when I felt especially alive. Not the awareness of your breathing in and out, or of your heart beating steadily, but times when I was hit with the sense that life is incredible. When I found myself overwhelmed by moments that were joyful.
Usually they involved Gene.
My parents gifted Gene Parmesan to me two years ago. He is my car. Sturdy little red corolla. We blew a tire in Salt Lake City where the man in the Hooters sweatshirt put on the spare for me. The starter failed last year on a rainy day. I waited and signed off my trusty car to the man in the tow truck. We spun 360 degrees in a snow storm on the way to a final that took 15 minutes.
My first trip in my car was to Manhattan, KS. I stayed with my friend Rachel. I don't remember everything that happened, but I remember feeling grown up. I was a freshman in college, driving by myself across Kansas. I listened to U2. And on my way home I saw the most incredible sunset that is somehow burned in my mind. I stood in the cold wind and took pictures for as long as I could, then drove home in the dark.
A few months later I packed my car with Molly, Caitlin, Lauren, and Katherine. We each had a backpack and one sleeping bag. We drove to Montrose and then to Boise and then to Seattle. Scenery changes around you depending on the people you are with. I remember driving back from Seattle, over the pass in Oregon, with the windows down. We took pictures and smiled and laughed and I was freezing. But the air was so perfect and the moment was real and I just wanted to stop time for a while.
And then, six months and 19 days ago I packed my car, threw myself a birthday party, and headed out to Richland with my friend Mara. On our drive we laughed, I screamed, and I cried. A lot. I remember the music I listened to. I remember meeting my host family. I remember moving all of my stuff in and begging Mara to stay with me. I did not want to be alone in that place because I knew it would be hard.
And I remember the night I drove myself back to the Tucker's after a week at camp and a weekend at ICE. It was late and I was tired and my windows were down. But I was happy. I was so thankful to be in Washington, by myself, making mistakes, feeling lonely, but feeling right. It was a sense of life that I took with me.
So why does it matter? Well, I guess talking to Erik makes me nostalgic. I guess looking at plane tickets make me wonder what revisiting Washington would be like. And I suppose I am just longing to feel that vibrancy again. Maybe next time I will savor it a little more.
Here's what I know: life, in the moments where you feel the incredible joy of being alive, are always shared with someone. Maybe it's a time when you feel especially near to the Lord and you share it with Him, or maybe with friends. Either way, life comes in others. But most readily and easily sensed are when connection with something of the heart of God is experienced.
"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth...he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being." - Acts 17:24-28
Dec 26, 2008
Dec 18, 2008
Because I can
I have been putting off a lot of things this week: cleaning, packing, sleeping, writing letters, showering. So I sit in a dirty room, and I smell, and there are clothes and papers everywhere. And I sit here accomplished.
I passed. Everything. At least, I think I did. I will know by tomorrow.
My GPA is "ruined". I will probably be on grading remediation pending bringing grades up next semester, threatening termination of my scholarship. I don't even care. I practically rolled down a snowy hill after I walked out of my last final out of sheer elation.
I have never had to work so hard in school - minus that first semester in a new high school. Passing this semester was probably my most profound accomplishment. I am proud of myself. I am proud I stuck with it, that I came back to school this semester, that I am coming back next semester, and that I actually love what I am going to do for a job someday.
I will write more thoughts once they come - right now I am a little too overwhelmed to be coherent. Right now I'm going to watch The Hills and clean my room and take a shower and get dressed up and go to a concert tonight and love on people.
I passed. Everything. At least, I think I did. I will know by tomorrow.
My GPA is "ruined". I will probably be on grading remediation pending bringing grades up next semester, threatening termination of my scholarship. I don't even care. I practically rolled down a snowy hill after I walked out of my last final out of sheer elation.
I have never had to work so hard in school - minus that first semester in a new high school. Passing this semester was probably my most profound accomplishment. I am proud of myself. I am proud I stuck with it, that I came back to school this semester, that I am coming back next semester, and that I actually love what I am going to do for a job someday.
I will write more thoughts once they come - right now I am a little too overwhelmed to be coherent. Right now I'm going to watch The Hills and clean my room and take a shower and get dressed up and go to a concert tonight and love on people.
Dec 8, 2008
Because I always have good reasons to blog when I should be writing a final.
So for everything that is bleak and dreary about William Jewell, there are some totally stellar parts of being a Jewell student.
1) Lighting of the Quad - definitely the perfect event to ring in the Christmas season. We sing carols, light candles (or glow sticks), and sing outside as they turn all the Christmas lights on campus. And every night after, you walk around the Quad in a glow of awkward, semi-creepy green, red, and blue light.
2) Late Night Breakfast - always the Tuesday or Wednesday of finals week. The professors feed us pancakes and ice cream, they play music, and awkward children follow you around asking to refill your drinks. A total "we-appreciate-you-paying-our-salaries" from the professors.
3) The Ely Christmas party - good fun is had by all.
(all occurring in the span of one week - needless to say, it is full of excessive joy and caloric intake.
Today in the mail I got a "happy half birthday" card from student affairs. They gave me a free drink coupon to the coffee shop. Add that one to my list too.
Happy Christmas season to you.
1) Lighting of the Quad - definitely the perfect event to ring in the Christmas season. We sing carols, light candles (or glow sticks), and sing outside as they turn all the Christmas lights on campus. And every night after, you walk around the Quad in a glow of awkward, semi-creepy green, red, and blue light.
2) Late Night Breakfast - always the Tuesday or Wednesday of finals week. The professors feed us pancakes and ice cream, they play music, and awkward children follow you around asking to refill your drinks. A total "we-appreciate-you-paying-our-salaries" from the professors.
3) The Ely Christmas party - good fun is had by all.
(all occurring in the span of one week - needless to say, it is full of excessive joy and caloric intake.
Today in the mail I got a "happy half birthday" card from student affairs. They gave me a free drink coupon to the coffee shop. Add that one to my list too.
Happy Christmas season to you.
Nov 27, 2008
Thoughts on Thanksgiving
Ladies and Gentlemen - tonight is the night.
After the plates are cleaned by our mouths, then with soap and water, and it's legitimately time to play Christmas music...it becomes THE night.
Christmas season is upon us. Black Friday is t-minus 76 minutes away. Gulp.
I ran to the store for my mom today. I bought vanilla ice cream, Raisin Bran, and generic Honey Nut Cheerios. I walked through the store and watched frazzled men and women rush through lines to get home. I watched store workers ready to get home. And I watched couples. Several. Holding hands and standing much to close to one another. I eyed them with unfortunate disdain. Yes, ladies and gentleman, tonight is THE night. It never fails that this time of year is when couples become more apparent and being single glares at you in the mirror.
I pushed the thoughts from my mind, unwilling to admit that the time has arrived. For goodness sakes, I am twenty years old. I have a lovely life, full of work and school and friends and family. There's no time to be a half of a couple. Plus, it would only take time away from those things I need MORE time attending.
I went to The Parsons Junior home tonight. We ate a lot (the most wonderful sweet potatoes and stuffing - thanks for bringing those in with you Ashley! - and pumpkin pie) and took pictures and laughed. This Thanksgiving felt different than the others to me. Maybe it's because I am growing up, or feel closer to my siblings, or have another year under my belt. Whatever it may be, spending time with my family was more valuable. I do see them on a regular basis - but those moments of make-my-stomach-hurt laughter are what keep me grounded in life.
Upon returning home this evening, as Christmas season legitimately begins, I felt the need to watch one of my favorite movies - Little Women. It's the perfect holiday movie - all about family and growing up and heartache and happiness. I cried when Beth recovered from her first bout of scarlet fever, and when Jo turned down Laurie's proposal, and when Beth died. I know that in the end of the story, good wins out. I hate that Beth dies and that Laurie marries Amy instead of Jo, but most of all I hate that the relationships of the sisters change. As the girls grow up, they pursue different things and become different people, better people, than they were in the beginning. But the magic that exists in their childhoods fades as maturity sets in.
When Meg and Mr. Brooks are getting married, Jo participates in the circling of the couple with hesitancy, and Laurie notices. He frowns at her, and she is clearly very sad to watch one of her best friends leave her for another.
I will hate to watch my sisters get married. I know that I will be happy, as long as they are, but I don't want things to change. With the addition of new people comes new dynamics, and I like our dynamic right where it is. So I empathize with Jo as she loses her sisters to Mr. Brooks and Laurie and death.
Of course, the flip side to all this is that when new people are added to the family, you can get incredibly lucky and add in an Ashley. It's safe to say our family is completely different with the addition of first Ashley, then Micah, then Tyler. Let us not forget Kent and Elizabeth as well. They change our interactions, our humor, our Thanksgiving menu, and it is good. VERY good. I wouldn't want our family to look any different than it does - unless it's the addition of someone just as good.
So on a night like tonight, it may be the beginning of THAT season. But single or not, my family remains those who keep me grounded, and I can't imagine myself happier than when I am with them.
"Love is the only thing that we can carry with us when we go, and it makes the end so easy." - Louisa May Alcott
After the plates are cleaned by our mouths, then with soap and water, and it's legitimately time to play Christmas music...it becomes THE night.
Christmas season is upon us. Black Friday is t-minus 76 minutes away. Gulp.
I ran to the store for my mom today. I bought vanilla ice cream, Raisin Bran, and generic Honey Nut Cheerios. I walked through the store and watched frazzled men and women rush through lines to get home. I watched store workers ready to get home. And I watched couples. Several. Holding hands and standing much to close to one another. I eyed them with unfortunate disdain. Yes, ladies and gentleman, tonight is THE night. It never fails that this time of year is when couples become more apparent and being single glares at you in the mirror.
I pushed the thoughts from my mind, unwilling to admit that the time has arrived. For goodness sakes, I am twenty years old. I have a lovely life, full of work and school and friends and family. There's no time to be a half of a couple. Plus, it would only take time away from those things I need MORE time attending.
I went to The Parsons Junior home tonight. We ate a lot (the most wonderful sweet potatoes and stuffing - thanks for bringing those in with you Ashley! - and pumpkin pie) and took pictures and laughed. This Thanksgiving felt different than the others to me. Maybe it's because I am growing up, or feel closer to my siblings, or have another year under my belt. Whatever it may be, spending time with my family was more valuable. I do see them on a regular basis - but those moments of make-my-stomach-hurt laughter are what keep me grounded in life.
Upon returning home this evening, as Christmas season legitimately begins, I felt the need to watch one of my favorite movies - Little Women. It's the perfect holiday movie - all about family and growing up and heartache and happiness. I cried when Beth recovered from her first bout of scarlet fever, and when Jo turned down Laurie's proposal, and when Beth died. I know that in the end of the story, good wins out. I hate that Beth dies and that Laurie marries Amy instead of Jo, but most of all I hate that the relationships of the sisters change. As the girls grow up, they pursue different things and become different people, better people, than they were in the beginning. But the magic that exists in their childhoods fades as maturity sets in.
When Meg and Mr. Brooks are getting married, Jo participates in the circling of the couple with hesitancy, and Laurie notices. He frowns at her, and she is clearly very sad to watch one of her best friends leave her for another.
I will hate to watch my sisters get married. I know that I will be happy, as long as they are, but I don't want things to change. With the addition of new people comes new dynamics, and I like our dynamic right where it is. So I empathize with Jo as she loses her sisters to Mr. Brooks and Laurie and death.
Of course, the flip side to all this is that when new people are added to the family, you can get incredibly lucky and add in an Ashley. It's safe to say our family is completely different with the addition of first Ashley, then Micah, then Tyler. Let us not forget Kent and Elizabeth as well. They change our interactions, our humor, our Thanksgiving menu, and it is good. VERY good. I wouldn't want our family to look any different than it does - unless it's the addition of someone just as good.
So on a night like tonight, it may be the beginning of THAT season. But single or not, my family remains those who keep me grounded, and I can't imagine myself happier than when I am with them.
"Love is the only thing that we can carry with us when we go, and it makes the end so easy." - Louisa May Alcott
Nov 24, 2008
Heart in a cage
I love to watch what effortlessly flows out of the people around me. Often it makes me jealous of their abilities, or gifts, or character. But more than that, I think it speaks of what energizes and drives a person - which is an encouraging thing to behold.
Last night I had a beautiful evening with my friend Molly. A word on her: Molly is somewhat of a kindred spirit with myself - we have a friendship that is unique in my life. She is a world traveler and has an incredible heart (though she is completely humble about the fact). She is about to move her way through Central America in the coming semester - and I will miss her so incredibly much that I try not to think about it. But for now, I get to spend a few more weeks in her presence and will be a better person for it. She also has a sweet lip piercing that I wish I could be cool enough to have.
Back to the evening: Molly won tickets to see Punch Brothers in Lawrence and off we went on a little adventure. We listened to pop hits you would find on a NOW mix, rapped with Eminem, and Molly reconnected with her Oklahoma roots with Carrie Underwood. We ate milkshakes and talked about life. It is always a fulfilling time when I am with Molly - she is never draining but rather encourages me to be a better person.
Punch Brothers was amazing. Chris Thile has been a favorite artist in the past, but the addition of his new four friends makes his sound fuller, dynamic, and if possible, more beautiful. Watching the five on stage made me consider gifts, talents, and passions. If you ever have the opportunity to see them in concert, you will get to see what appears to effortlessly flow out of them. Harmonies that are unreal and make me swoon. Sheer brilliance for nearly two hours.
It made me consider what I see in the people around me.
The friend who loves people with a grace and ease that I will never understand nor be able to emulate in quite the same manner.
The friend who gives of herself in a generosity that few people seem to be willing to own.
The friend who is quick to listen and displays the beauty of her heart without even opening her mouth.
The friend who never tires, who maintains a consistency in character and joy and hope and peace all at once.
Four of the many who I considered on the drive home last night. The Lord is sharpening my heart, which often seems to be caged and held back by the insecurity and pride I possess, with the lives of the people I see every day.
"Those who look to Him are radiant" (Psalm 34:5)
Amen.
Last night I had a beautiful evening with my friend Molly. A word on her: Molly is somewhat of a kindred spirit with myself - we have a friendship that is unique in my life. She is a world traveler and has an incredible heart (though she is completely humble about the fact). She is about to move her way through Central America in the coming semester - and I will miss her so incredibly much that I try not to think about it. But for now, I get to spend a few more weeks in her presence and will be a better person for it. She also has a sweet lip piercing that I wish I could be cool enough to have.
Back to the evening: Molly won tickets to see Punch Brothers in Lawrence and off we went on a little adventure. We listened to pop hits you would find on a NOW mix, rapped with Eminem, and Molly reconnected with her Oklahoma roots with Carrie Underwood. We ate milkshakes and talked about life. It is always a fulfilling time when I am with Molly - she is never draining but rather encourages me to be a better person.
Punch Brothers was amazing. Chris Thile has been a favorite artist in the past, but the addition of his new four friends makes his sound fuller, dynamic, and if possible, more beautiful. Watching the five on stage made me consider gifts, talents, and passions. If you ever have the opportunity to see them in concert, you will get to see what appears to effortlessly flow out of them. Harmonies that are unreal and make me swoon. Sheer brilliance for nearly two hours.
It made me consider what I see in the people around me.
The friend who loves people with a grace and ease that I will never understand nor be able to emulate in quite the same manner.
The friend who gives of herself in a generosity that few people seem to be willing to own.
The friend who is quick to listen and displays the beauty of her heart without even opening her mouth.
The friend who never tires, who maintains a consistency in character and joy and hope and peace all at once.
Four of the many who I considered on the drive home last night. The Lord is sharpening my heart, which often seems to be caged and held back by the insecurity and pride I possess, with the lives of the people I see every day.
"Those who look to Him are radiant" (Psalm 34:5)
Amen.
Nov 17, 2008
I have some wonderful friends.
Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
I have no qualms in admitting that I love High School Musical. Recently, my friends Anna and Christine and myself watched the second and third installments, casting ourselves in the movie. While my ideal character would be Sharpay, I have taken the role of Troy, Christine is Gabriella, and Anna is Sharpay. Anna made the above video, and unfortunately could only incorporate Christine and myself. If you wonder what happened to my hair, it was only temporary.
GAME ON.
Nov 10, 2008
Heavy World
What do you do when you are disappointed? I'm disappointed in some people, in their actions, in their words.
But I have to recognize, I'm not proud of myself either. I have let my heart become vindictive, bitter, angry, and full of pride. I've been arrogant, and I've been selfish.
So now I sit and struggle with disappointment. Some in what I see in other people, but more in what I see in myself.
And as I sit and wonder what to do with my heart, I recall powerful words from Hope in the Dark.
"We walked along the dirt road to Muungano village where these words rested quietly on the brick wall next to a pharmacy shop. "What does Piny Pek mean?" I asked. "Heavy world," they said.
As I dragged my feet along the gravel with my head down, I found myself asking, "Why, God?" He told me, "Broken world, Daughter. Sin is real. Know and repent of your own, and then seek Justice and Love for My children. Do not lose hope, My child. Be an agent of mercy." And I slowly breathed in the stench, but allowed hope and God's promises of mercy and healing to remain. This peace that lies within me is one of eternal pain but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places."
Jena Lee wrote these about the brokenness she saw firsthand in the slums of African cities - but His words apply in my heart right now. When you watch brokenness unfold and sin seeps into the cracks - it's overwhelming. "Sin is real."
Know and repent of your own. I know what some of my sins are. In a lot of ways, I'm not ready to let them go. I'm not ready to embrace the ways I fall short, because I'm a proud heart. The sooner I admit I fail, the sooner I lose control.
I want Hosea 6 to be in me instead.
"Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth."
But I have to recognize, I'm not proud of myself either. I have let my heart become vindictive, bitter, angry, and full of pride. I've been arrogant, and I've been selfish.
So now I sit and struggle with disappointment. Some in what I see in other people, but more in what I see in myself.
And as I sit and wonder what to do with my heart, I recall powerful words from Hope in the Dark.
"We walked along the dirt road to Muungano village where these words rested quietly on the brick wall next to a pharmacy shop. "What does Piny Pek mean?" I asked. "Heavy world," they said.
As I dragged my feet along the gravel with my head down, I found myself asking, "Why, God?" He told me, "Broken world, Daughter. Sin is real. Know and repent of your own, and then seek Justice and Love for My children. Do not lose hope, My child. Be an agent of mercy." And I slowly breathed in the stench, but allowed hope and God's promises of mercy and healing to remain. This peace that lies within me is one of eternal pain but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places."
Jena Lee wrote these about the brokenness she saw firsthand in the slums of African cities - but His words apply in my heart right now. When you watch brokenness unfold and sin seeps into the cracks - it's overwhelming. "Sin is real."
Know and repent of your own. I know what some of my sins are. In a lot of ways, I'm not ready to let them go. I'm not ready to embrace the ways I fall short, because I'm a proud heart. The sooner I admit I fail, the sooner I lose control.
I want Hosea 6 to be in me instead.
"Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth."
Nov 6, 2008
Because I laughed out loud when I remembered this...
I just relived a moment that I believe I have suppressed for years out of sheer horror and embarrassment.
When I was in middle school, I had this idea that I really enjoyed being in front of people and needed to put an end to my shy tendencies.
One summer night at Main in Motion, I entered a lip sync contest.
I remember my outfit, what my hair looked like, the people I picked out in the crowd, because it was supposed to be my moment of glory. People were supposed to think I was cool, and somehow maybe I thought I would make friends by being ballsy. I had picked the perfect song...which happened to be M2M's "Mirror Mirror".
I have a sickening feeling in my stomach now, but I think that declaring my embarrassment to everyone is good therapy.
It's safe to say that I didn't make any friends through this experience and that, if anything, I became a bigger wallflower because of it.
When I was in middle school, I had this idea that I really enjoyed being in front of people and needed to put an end to my shy tendencies.
One summer night at Main in Motion, I entered a lip sync contest.
I remember my outfit, what my hair looked like, the people I picked out in the crowd, because it was supposed to be my moment of glory. People were supposed to think I was cool, and somehow maybe I thought I would make friends by being ballsy. I had picked the perfect song...which happened to be M2M's "Mirror Mirror".
I have a sickening feeling in my stomach now, but I think that declaring my embarrassment to everyone is good therapy.
It's safe to say that I didn't make any friends through this experience and that, if anything, I became a bigger wallflower because of it.
Oct 22, 2008
the runaway falls at Your feet
The beginning of nursing school 10 months ago marked the beginning of a deep, dark spiritual oppression in my life. For much of the spring semester I withdrew from my life, allowing myself to sink into a place that I found very hard to exist in but impossible to pull myself out. I got a job in a church (ironic) and moved myself out of the state, halfway across the country. I lived by myself in a garage apartment with a family I had never met and had spoken about 10 words to them before moving into their house.
I worked with 7 people I had never met. I offered cupcakes in exchange for friendship. I hated my first month there. I was still pitying myself in the darkness into which I had slipped. I was sent to camp with 10 high school girls I barely knew or didn't even know at all.
And the Lord wrapped His arms around me like I had never experienced. To make a long story shorter so I can get this off my chest and get back to my midterm prep, the Lord used loneliness to break me open. Then, he surrounded me with incredible friends, prayer partners, two grandmothers, a church staff, a generous, compassionate host family, and genuine relationships with my girls. It was the beginning of relief from the dark I had been overwhelmed with.
I've been doing better this semester. The lessons learned this summer opened my eyes to my pitfalls. I have been fighting the oppression everyday, but I have been surrendering myself to the Lord a little more. It isn't necessarily easier, but I feel more prepared.
I've slipped a little more in the last two weeks. Blame it on the drama. Blame it on midterms and tests. Blame it on the 75% test average. Or blame it on my desire for comfort. Or my brokeness. Whatever you choose to see as the root of the problem, I'm slipping. But the Lord prodded a wonderful friend to slip a card under my door:
"REMEMBER:
"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:11
I know you "know" this verse - but be reminded of it today. God wants to renew your JOY...cling onto the truth and promises He has given you."
Thanks for the words Liz.
Here's to the promises He has given me in (some of) the people He has surrounded me with...
The runaway falls at Your feet,
You are what he has searched for.
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor;
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore.
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die,
Still, You sent Your son for us,
You are on our side.
I worked with 7 people I had never met. I offered cupcakes in exchange for friendship. I hated my first month there. I was still pitying myself in the darkness into which I had slipped. I was sent to camp with 10 high school girls I barely knew or didn't even know at all.
And the Lord wrapped His arms around me like I had never experienced. To make a long story shorter so I can get this off my chest and get back to my midterm prep, the Lord used loneliness to break me open. Then, he surrounded me with incredible friends, prayer partners, two grandmothers, a church staff, a generous, compassionate host family, and genuine relationships with my girls. It was the beginning of relief from the dark I had been overwhelmed with.
I've been doing better this semester. The lessons learned this summer opened my eyes to my pitfalls. I have been fighting the oppression everyday, but I have been surrendering myself to the Lord a little more. It isn't necessarily easier, but I feel more prepared.
I've slipped a little more in the last two weeks. Blame it on the drama. Blame it on midterms and tests. Blame it on the 75% test average. Or blame it on my desire for comfort. Or my brokeness. Whatever you choose to see as the root of the problem, I'm slipping. But the Lord prodded a wonderful friend to slip a card under my door:
"REMEMBER:
"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:11
I know you "know" this verse - but be reminded of it today. God wants to renew your JOY...cling onto the truth and promises He has given you."
Thanks for the words Liz.
Here's to the promises He has given me in (some of) the people He has surrounded me with...
The runaway falls at Your feet,
You are what he has searched for.
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor;
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore.
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die,
Still, You sent Your son for us,
You are on our side.
Oct 1, 2008
"I'm amazed by life, and it's amazed by me"
In a roundabout way, I have just spent the last few minutes pondering death.
Perhaps it's being around sick people in the hospital, faced with illness that is slowly choking the life out of them.
Perhaps it's writing my mission statement for a class, knowing that the example shared in class was read at the student's funeral before she made it out of college.
Whatever it's stemming from, it isn't causing fear or anxiety, just quiet assurance.
"Can my God, your wrath forbear
Me the chief of sinners, spare?
It's my only hope, You're my only hope."
Caedmon's Call
Yeah.
It’s a long hard road
With a good, good end
And if I keep on walking on past the crooked bend
I will meet my Maker
I will meet my Friend
It’s a long hard road
With a good, good end
Don Chaffer
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth has passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:1-4
Want to know an odd connection I just made? Go to The Parsons Photography and look at this picture...no wonder we are so enamored with these people. What a pale reflection of what reunion with the Lord will look like.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3o5FMAHy71q5ScgwmcIi8CgIUadJhJi7tDwq_zKD4WC-_vLVpSVy9Qbk9hVnLrjb8_wJNJqsrm5wTNMSlC0eRFT3KhEfMmxFm4Epvd3SJADhm4rPYpAT-QLAN1dJns8DUZ2UYJkthMKP/s1600/blog8.jpg
Perhaps it's being around sick people in the hospital, faced with illness that is slowly choking the life out of them.
Perhaps it's writing my mission statement for a class, knowing that the example shared in class was read at the student's funeral before she made it out of college.
Whatever it's stemming from, it isn't causing fear or anxiety, just quiet assurance.
"Can my God, your wrath forbear
Me the chief of sinners, spare?
It's my only hope, You're my only hope."
Caedmon's Call
Yeah.
It’s a long hard road
With a good, good end
And if I keep on walking on past the crooked bend
I will meet my Maker
I will meet my Friend
It’s a long hard road
With a good, good end
Don Chaffer
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth has passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:1-4
Want to know an odd connection I just made? Go to The Parsons Photography and look at this picture...no wonder we are so enamored with these people. What a pale reflection of what reunion with the Lord will look like.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3o5FMAHy71q5ScgwmcIi8CgIUadJhJi7tDwq_zKD4WC-_vLVpSVy9Qbk9hVnLrjb8_wJNJqsrm5wTNMSlC0eRFT3KhEfMmxFm4Epvd3SJADhm4rPYpAT-QLAN1dJns8DUZ2UYJkthMKP/s1600/blog8.jpg
Sep 28, 2008
i could walk another road, but i could never make it home without You
Final grade on my most recent test...
76.6% baby.
I will make it through this semester. So I can go to Africa and take care of sick people.
I am reading 1 Peter. It's beautiful. Peter is such an incredible voice - an example of redemption and how it turns around the life of a broken man. Peter who had failed in much, was asked to follow Jesus and ends up denying Him. And Jesus dies, is gone from Peter's life. One of his best friends, gone. Yet He returns and redeems Peter. He leaves the early church in Peter's hands, along with His other followers. And Peter, who has experienced Jesus in such real, raw terms, later writes this...
These [trials] have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
(1 Peter 1:7-9)
Peter knows what it is like to be tested, to see hard times. But through faith in Jesus, he is filled with inexpressible and glorious joy in redemption.
I wish I was more like Peter.
Nashville here I come. 19 days.
76.6% baby.
I will make it through this semester. So I can go to Africa and take care of sick people.
I am reading 1 Peter. It's beautiful. Peter is such an incredible voice - an example of redemption and how it turns around the life of a broken man. Peter who had failed in much, was asked to follow Jesus and ends up denying Him. And Jesus dies, is gone from Peter's life. One of his best friends, gone. Yet He returns and redeems Peter. He leaves the early church in Peter's hands, along with His other followers. And Peter, who has experienced Jesus in such real, raw terms, later writes this...
These [trials] have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
(1 Peter 1:7-9)
Peter knows what it is like to be tested, to see hard times. But through faith in Jesus, he is filled with inexpressible and glorious joy in redemption.
I wish I was more like Peter.
Nashville here I come. 19 days.
Sep 26, 2008
To 75% Test Average
In order to pass my nursing classes I need to have a 75% test average. Even if I come out with a 70% in the class (passing) but have a 74.9% test average, I fail.
My first test of the semester I got a 62.5%. Yikes.
Let's just say, my goal is a 75% tomorrow. Dear Lord, help. (As Faye would encourage me to pray.)
This doesn't necessarily pertain, but it's beautiful.
Those living far away fear your wonders; where morning dawns and evening fades you call forth songs of joy...the grasslands of the desert overflow. (Psalm 65:8,12a)
My first test of the semester I got a 62.5%. Yikes.
Let's just say, my goal is a 75% tomorrow. Dear Lord, help. (As Faye would encourage me to pray.)
This doesn't necessarily pertain, but it's beautiful.
Those living far away fear your wonders; where morning dawns and evening fades you call forth songs of joy...the grasslands of the desert overflow. (Psalm 65:8,12a)
Sep 21, 2008
tearing back the roof
"She said, "Who else knew my name
Before the day that I was born?
Jesus is all I need."
-
I hope I'm always a bit restless.
-
But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
Before the day that I was born?
Jesus is all I need."
-
I hope I'm always a bit restless.
-
But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
Sep 18, 2008
The saga of feeling like failing
I have some wonderful people in my life. In fact, I have a lot. It's probably one of the things I take for granted too often.
One of those wonderful people is my friend Lucy. We met the end of my freshman year at Jewell and immediately connected over our desire to go to Africa. She went this past summer to Tanzania/Lake Victoria and has some incredible stories. She is one of the most giving (of everything!), honest, and kindest people I know. She is also a year ahead of me in nursing school, so naturally Lucy is my go-to girl when I have questions. She has lent me things countless times, always encourages, and has even taken her break in between classes to come to my work to cheer me up after I found out I got a D- on my test. I get notes in my mailbox with bible verses on them, e-mails of encouragement, and some of the best hugs in the world. People...if you don't know Lucy, I hope you meet her soon.
So I nearly failed a test. In fact, by nursing standards, anything below a 75% is failing. So a D- is way below the 75% mark...and I can't remember ever getting a D- on a test. Or paper. Or assignment. I realized I'm not doing very well in school. In fact, I haven't read for class yet. Any of them. It's my fault for not being proactive and planning ahead. But it's all in the past. I take my D- and move ahead.
So, Lucy was one of the first to hear about my frustration and my doubts about nursing school. And she sent me an e-mail yesterday, and I think the Lord has been using her to teach me a lesson, to remind me that I am broken and empty on my own.
I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(Isaiah 41:9-10)
Thanks Luce, for speaking truth into my life.
One of those wonderful people is my friend Lucy. We met the end of my freshman year at Jewell and immediately connected over our desire to go to Africa. She went this past summer to Tanzania/Lake Victoria and has some incredible stories. She is one of the most giving (of everything!), honest, and kindest people I know. She is also a year ahead of me in nursing school, so naturally Lucy is my go-to girl when I have questions. She has lent me things countless times, always encourages, and has even taken her break in between classes to come to my work to cheer me up after I found out I got a D- on my test. I get notes in my mailbox with bible verses on them, e-mails of encouragement, and some of the best hugs in the world. People...if you don't know Lucy, I hope you meet her soon.
So I nearly failed a test. In fact, by nursing standards, anything below a 75% is failing. So a D- is way below the 75% mark...and I can't remember ever getting a D- on a test. Or paper. Or assignment. I realized I'm not doing very well in school. In fact, I haven't read for class yet. Any of them. It's my fault for not being proactive and planning ahead. But it's all in the past. I take my D- and move ahead.
So, Lucy was one of the first to hear about my frustration and my doubts about nursing school. And she sent me an e-mail yesterday, and I think the Lord has been using her to teach me a lesson, to remind me that I am broken and empty on my own.
I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(Isaiah 41:9-10)
Thanks Luce, for speaking truth into my life.
Sep 14, 2008
Just Blue
Sometimes days are just sad. Not overwhelmingly so, just blue. Like The Weepies song.
It probably doesn't help that I listen to music that perpetuates my mood.
Current price for a ticket to Washington = $372!!! So much cheaper than the last time I looked, yet still too expensive.
WHOA. $247 to Spokane??? THIS could be a beautiful thing.
I have to take out my nose ring. For good. It shouldn't make me sad, but it does. I won't bore you with the details.
I have homework I should be doing. So I will do that, once I finish eating lunch with my lovely friend Rebecca.
On the bright side - iTunes Genius is genius. Good job Apple on another successful addition. Yet another reason why Apple is better.
I'm feeling restless.
It probably doesn't help that I listen to music that perpetuates my mood.
Current price for a ticket to Washington = $372!!! So much cheaper than the last time I looked, yet still too expensive.
WHOA. $247 to Spokane??? THIS could be a beautiful thing.
I have to take out my nose ring. For good. It shouldn't make me sad, but it does. I won't bore you with the details.
I have homework I should be doing. So I will do that, once I finish eating lunch with my lovely friend Rebecca.
On the bright side - iTunes Genius is genius. Good job Apple on another successful addition. Yet another reason why Apple is better.
I'm feeling restless.
Sep 11, 2008
Things I have enjoyed the last few days...
* My ritual morning coffee from the cafeteria. Not terrible and free!
* Frozen custard from By the Scoop. Love my job.
* My job.
* Piano as a stress reliever.
* Walking around Liberty late at night.
* Sleeping.
* Songs:
* John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin'. Illegal I thought at first, but it's beautiful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wJ-VPqFzy0
* The Weepies "Old Coyote". What I listened to driving home late in Richland. It's become my new homework song.
* Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets". Why? Why not?
* David Crowder's "The Glory of It All".
---
All is lost
find him there, find him there
After night
Dawn is there, Dawn is there
After all falls apart
he repairs he repairs
When you taste the goodness and pure love of the Lord, it's probably one of the best feelings you can ever have.
Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. - Ephesians 5:1-2
* Frozen custard from By the Scoop. Love my job.
* My job.
* Piano as a stress reliever.
* Walking around Liberty late at night.
* Sleeping.
* Songs:
* John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin'. Illegal I thought at first, but it's beautiful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wJ-VPqFzy0
* The Weepies "Old Coyote". What I listened to driving home late in Richland. It's become my new homework song.
* Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets". Why? Why not?
* David Crowder's "The Glory of It All".
---
All is lost
find him there, find him there
After night
Dawn is there, Dawn is there
After all falls apart
he repairs he repairs
When you taste the goodness and pure love of the Lord, it's probably one of the best feelings you can ever have.
Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. - Ephesians 5:1-2
Sep 10, 2008
Sep 4, 2008
Tell Me
It's been a long day. Three classes with an hour break among two of them, then working for 6 hours. Walking back in the dark, I was asking the Lord what to do, how to keep from being overwhelmed. How am I supposed to succeed in the midst of this? How do I keep straight the assignments? What happens if I fail?
It doesn't matter in the end. Doesn't mean I don't try. It just means I do what God has given me to do, I do so in zeal, serving Him. I seek to reflect Him in relationships, in making someone their coffee, in mopping the floor at work, in giving a bed bath to an old man who smells, in passing by a new student on campus.
In Bible study on Tuesday night we looked at John 21. Peter's denied his rabbi, his teacher who had told him Peter was important, that he desired Peter to follow him and his ways. Jesus has died. Then he appears on the side of the sea, where Peter has returned to his original trade, and Peter is so driven by his love, his grace, his redemption, he jumps out of the boat and swims to shore. There Jesus feeds him, redeems him, and tells him two things he must do if he loves Jesus.
Take care of my sheep, and follow me.
Unchangeable, unconquerable
Immovable, irremovable
Unwavering, untiring
Unflinching, stubborn love of God
So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall
It doesn't matter in the end. Doesn't mean I don't try. It just means I do what God has given me to do, I do so in zeal, serving Him. I seek to reflect Him in relationships, in making someone their coffee, in mopping the floor at work, in giving a bed bath to an old man who smells, in passing by a new student on campus.
In Bible study on Tuesday night we looked at John 21. Peter's denied his rabbi, his teacher who had told him Peter was important, that he desired Peter to follow him and his ways. Jesus has died. Then he appears on the side of the sea, where Peter has returned to his original trade, and Peter is so driven by his love, his grace, his redemption, he jumps out of the boat and swims to shore. There Jesus feeds him, redeems him, and tells him two things he must do if he loves Jesus.
Take care of my sheep, and follow me.
Unchangeable, unconquerable
Immovable, irremovable
Unwavering, untiring
Unflinching, stubborn love of God
So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall
Sep 3, 2008
Biblogger
I double blog now. I share a community blog with seven dear friends in the state of Washington (one temporarily in Spain). If you ever care to know more, click Honest Abe ROFL in the side bar. I am certain you won't be disappointed.
Aug 28, 2008
a beggar's heart
Tonight marks the end. Tomorrow marks the beginning. The new freshman move in. My hall is ready (sort of), my room is clean, I have a new chair, I have 10 new faces to meet tomorrow.
Monday begins a new realm of school. I am looking at 17 credits, RA in a first-year dorm, a second job, homecoming committee(!??!). Someone asked me "when will you have fun?"
I don't know the answer.
I know that I will be empty. I know that I will be tired, burnt out, worn out, potentially unhappy, potentially failing. I will have a choice: between being those things or embracing the end of myself.
I was just struck with the idea that this could be a blessing. A lesson in giving up everything and saying help. I can't make it through this life with sanity, joy, and peace on my own.
Never underestimate my Jesus. Never lack in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Jesus help me.
Monday begins a new realm of school. I am looking at 17 credits, RA in a first-year dorm, a second job, homecoming committee(!??!). Someone asked me "when will you have fun?"
I don't know the answer.
I know that I will be empty. I know that I will be tired, burnt out, worn out, potentially unhappy, potentially failing. I will have a choice: between being those things or embracing the end of myself.
I was just struck with the idea that this could be a blessing. A lesson in giving up everything and saying help. I can't make it through this life with sanity, joy, and peace on my own.
Never underestimate my Jesus. Never lack in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Jesus help me.
Aug 11, 2008
A Cynical Rant
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4
Fact: I dislike the use of this verse in most situations - because it too often turns into us trying to delight in the Lord in order to receive the desires of our heart. Should we not be delighting in the Lord's ability to change our heart? Should we not be seeking to give ourselves fully over to Him so our desires become for Him and His plan and His purpose?
In short, to my friends of the female persuasion, please do not use this verse in reference to your desire for a husband...assuming that God will give a fairytale because you "delight" in Him.
Because, really, anything we desire that is short of the Lord will fail to satisfy.
Note - this is not directed at anyone in particular. In fact, I was simply sitting and reading blogs and thinking about how God has changed my heart...and how I used to focus on delighting in the Lord so that I would get what I wanted. So really...the husband thing is a little much. But, you have to admit, that thought has crossed your mind at some point or another!
Fact: I dislike the use of this verse in most situations - because it too often turns into us trying to delight in the Lord in order to receive the desires of our heart. Should we not be delighting in the Lord's ability to change our heart? Should we not be seeking to give ourselves fully over to Him so our desires become for Him and His plan and His purpose?
In short, to my friends of the female persuasion, please do not use this verse in reference to your desire for a husband...assuming that God will give a fairytale because you "delight" in Him.
Because, really, anything we desire that is short of the Lord will fail to satisfy.
Note - this is not directed at anyone in particular. In fact, I was simply sitting and reading blogs and thinking about how God has changed my heart...and how I used to focus on delighting in the Lord so that I would get what I wanted. So really...the husband thing is a little much. But, you have to admit, that thought has crossed your mind at some point or another!
Aug 5, 2008
He makes all things good
Even when I screw it all up.
I've wasted time. I've focused on myself, rather than Him. I've made excuses to make myself feel better.
"We don't like the sight of ourselves as we really are...we rely on the stylish disguise that makes us look good or at least look away from our true self. Self-deception mortgages our sinfulness and prevents us from seeing ourselves as we really are - ragamuffins." (Brennan Manning)
Probably one of the hardest lessons of the summer is that I like to disguise who I am too much. It's a lot easier to pretend I am doing well than to acknowledge openly that I don't have it all together.
Funny thing though - it feels a whole lot better when you honestly accept who God has made you to be.
So in view of His mercies, offer your bodies as living sacrifices. Let go of your pride, your disguise, lose yourself, be a ragamuffin, and follow Him into the unknown.
I've wasted time. I've focused on myself, rather than Him. I've made excuses to make myself feel better.
"We don't like the sight of ourselves as we really are...we rely on the stylish disguise that makes us look good or at least look away from our true self. Self-deception mortgages our sinfulness and prevents us from seeing ourselves as we really are - ragamuffins." (Brennan Manning)
Probably one of the hardest lessons of the summer is that I like to disguise who I am too much. It's a lot easier to pretend I am doing well than to acknowledge openly that I don't have it all together.
Funny thing though - it feels a whole lot better when you honestly accept who God has made you to be.
So in view of His mercies, offer your bodies as living sacrifices. Let go of your pride, your disguise, lose yourself, be a ragamuffin, and follow Him into the unknown.
Jul 30, 2008
Destinations
Tonight I played ultimate frisbee. Both teams I was on lost. I am finding, however, that I dearly love to play the game. I think it will be a new pastime at skeool.
I have the privilege of studying Romans 12 this summer. In verse 2 it says we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds so that we can test and approve the will of God.
I would really like to know the will of God, folks.
Am I going to live in Africa? Should I drop out of school? Should I be a nursing major still? What does God want me to do with my life? Will I ever be good at sports?
However, with the wonderful guiding of FAYE!!!!!!, we came to the conclusion that the will of God has nothing to do with the answers to the aforementioned questions.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. Seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. The list continues.
Where am I headed? Away from here. Metaphorically speaking of course.
Wherever God's will is taking me, I put in my request now for giant chewy Nerds to be available, people to play ultimate frisbee, and friends to talk about poop with me. Because that, my friends, is a good day.
Today was a good day.
I have the privilege of studying Romans 12 this summer. In verse 2 it says we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds so that we can test and approve the will of God.
I would really like to know the will of God, folks.
Am I going to live in Africa? Should I drop out of school? Should I be a nursing major still? What does God want me to do with my life? Will I ever be good at sports?
However, with the wonderful guiding of FAYE!!!!!!, we came to the conclusion that the will of God has nothing to do with the answers to the aforementioned questions.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. Seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. The list continues.
Where am I headed? Away from here. Metaphorically speaking of course.
Wherever God's will is taking me, I put in my request now for giant chewy Nerds to be available, people to play ultimate frisbee, and friends to talk about poop with me. Because that, my friends, is a good day.
Today was a good day.
Jul 19, 2008
Life Cereal
It's been a month. I have had ample amounts of time to write a new blog. So, here we are.
I've been to camp for a week. It was the most awful, wonderful, exhausting, exciting, rewarding, and draining experience I think I have ever had. I spent the week with a cabin of 10 campers. I came out of the week with some wonderful friendships and hilarious jokes.
Since moving here for the summer, I have tried my hand at paintball, ultimate frisbee, ice blocking, and being candid as to my pooping habits. What has come over me? Must be the toxic waste in this place.
Last weekend I went to Seattle. It was so wonderful. I have pretty pictures from being there - sunsets and friends and sights to behold.
Too often I try to impress people with sounding smart or trying to make people laugh or looking good - all in a pathetic attempt to get affirmation. It's sickening when your eyes finally open to the ways you grasp for acceptance. Being in a new place with few friends makes this pop out all the more. Donald Miller said "All of the insecurity rises the instant you realize you are alone. No insecurity was felt when the person who loved you was around, but in his absence, it instantly comes to the surface."
Hits me square between the eyes. I feel lonely here a lot, and it makes me rather desperate to find people to tell me I matter. I am subject to constant fear of failure and inadequacy.
It's a rather unfortunate way of life. It leaves you, more often than not, emptier than before.
I don't have it all figured out. I don't know what God is doing in my life right now, but I know I am coming home changed, different. I think it will be good.
"I think Jesus is saying, 'Look, you guys are running around like monkeys trying to get people to clap, but people are fallen, they are separated from God, so they have no idea what is good or bad, worthy to be judged or set free, beautiful or ugly to begin with. Why not get your glory from God? Why not accept your feelings of redemption because of His pleasure in you, not the fickle and empty favor of man? And only then will you know who you are...'" (Donald Miller - Searching For God Knows What)
Play Coldplay's "Fix You", listen for the movie scene interlude, and make one up. It's a lot of fun. There's my shout out to blogger friend/sister/HOB Mara.
I've been to camp for a week. It was the most awful, wonderful, exhausting, exciting, rewarding, and draining experience I think I have ever had. I spent the week with a cabin of 10 campers. I came out of the week with some wonderful friendships and hilarious jokes.
Since moving here for the summer, I have tried my hand at paintball, ultimate frisbee, ice blocking, and being candid as to my pooping habits. What has come over me? Must be the toxic waste in this place.
Last weekend I went to Seattle. It was so wonderful. I have pretty pictures from being there - sunsets and friends and sights to behold.
Too often I try to impress people with sounding smart or trying to make people laugh or looking good - all in a pathetic attempt to get affirmation. It's sickening when your eyes finally open to the ways you grasp for acceptance. Being in a new place with few friends makes this pop out all the more. Donald Miller said "All of the insecurity rises the instant you realize you are alone. No insecurity was felt when the person who loved you was around, but in his absence, it instantly comes to the surface."
Hits me square between the eyes. I feel lonely here a lot, and it makes me rather desperate to find people to tell me I matter. I am subject to constant fear of failure and inadequacy.
It's a rather unfortunate way of life. It leaves you, more often than not, emptier than before.
I don't have it all figured out. I don't know what God is doing in my life right now, but I know I am coming home changed, different. I think it will be good.
"I think Jesus is saying, 'Look, you guys are running around like monkeys trying to get people to clap, but people are fallen, they are separated from God, so they have no idea what is good or bad, worthy to be judged or set free, beautiful or ugly to begin with. Why not get your glory from God? Why not accept your feelings of redemption because of His pleasure in you, not the fickle and empty favor of man? And only then will you know who you are...'" (Donald Miller - Searching For God Knows What)
Play Coldplay's "Fix You", listen for the movie scene interlude, and make one up. It's a lot of fun. There's my shout out to blogger friend/sister/HOB Mara.
Jun 21, 2008
Hello my dearest friends!
I am currently stealing a strong wireless signal from the poolside at Grandma's house. Some highlights of my life right now:
- A conversation with my host sister Rachel, after opening her presents, who just turned three...
"Rachel, how old are you!?"
"Where's my cake?"
- A conversation with my great-grandma...
"Sarah, you look like your mom."
"We are definitely mother and daughter, aren't we?"
"I don't care who you are, you can't take her away from me! She's mine."
????
- Living in low humidity weather...where I can get skin cancer by sitting poolside and write this post.
- Forgiveness. The Lord has enabled me to let go of my sin "like a high wall, cracked and bulging". He is so good.
- My own apartment. With good coffee inside.
- Spending time with Grandmas H and R.
- Skype and iChat with dear friends/family.
- Phone conversations with dear friends/family.
- Apple chips.
So life is good here. I miss Kansas City and most likely YOU if you are reading this.
I am currently stealing a strong wireless signal from the poolside at Grandma's house. Some highlights of my life right now:
- A conversation with my host sister Rachel, after opening her presents, who just turned three...
"Rachel, how old are you!?"
"Where's my cake?"
- A conversation with my great-grandma...
"Sarah, you look like your mom."
"We are definitely mother and daughter, aren't we?"
"I don't care who you are, you can't take her away from me! She's mine."
????
- Living in low humidity weather...where I can get skin cancer by sitting poolside and write this post.
- Forgiveness. The Lord has enabled me to let go of my sin "like a high wall, cracked and bulging". He is so good.
- My own apartment. With good coffee inside.
- Spending time with Grandmas H and R.
- Skype and iChat with dear friends/family.
- Phone conversations with dear friends/family.
- Apple chips.
So life is good here. I miss Kansas City and most likely YOU if you are reading this.
Jun 10, 2008
HOB Module 2
Coming to you from Portland. The most intimidating place alive because PEOPLE ARE SO TRENDY!
Jun 8, 2008
HOB Module 1
Hello! HOB is underway, alive and kicking. Mara and I decided to video update the world on our journey and experiences. Hopefully, I'll post more modules as the time goes on. I think we are currently post-production on 7. Be warned: they may not be entertaining to anyone but ourselves, it is not always PG in language use, and some are longer than others. Also, I hope I don't sound like this in real life.
Jun 2, 2008
gone to narnia brb
4 days.
A meager portion of time, promising to be full of late nights, laughs, and probably some emotional breakdowns.
I could write down a lot more about how I am not ready to leave, how I love people here, etc.
You all have heard it from me before. No more broken records. Hopefully I will have the chance to tell you in person how much I will miss you.
I have a puffy eye from my allergies. The better story is that Hannah and I have started a fight club in my basement. Interested in joining?
See ya, be ya, Christmas.
P.S. If you don't know my family, you should.
A meager portion of time, promising to be full of late nights, laughs, and probably some emotional breakdowns.
I could write down a lot more about how I am not ready to leave, how I love people here, etc.
You all have heard it from me before. No more broken records. Hopefully I will have the chance to tell you in person how much I will miss you.
I have a puffy eye from my allergies. The better story is that Hannah and I have started a fight club in my basement. Interested in joining?
See ya, be ya, Christmas.
P.S. If you don't know my family, you should.
May 20, 2008
I don't like leaving
I have a newfound faith in the goodness of humanity. 6 lanes of traffic on Metcalf stopped for a gaggle of geese (with baby geese) to cross the road.
Thank you Metcalf drivers for restoring hope.
-
I just received an e-mail with placements for the trainee program I am doing this summer. I work with high schoolers. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and terror.
I really want to stay and do summer staff here. Because it's safe. I know people here. I have a special place in my heart for the girls house. And the people with whom I shared last summer. I really like the kids I worked with. It would be easy to stay - and probably have a great time being here. I have a wonderful community of friends here. I know the places to go drink coffee and read good books. I know what kind of coffee to drink when I go there and places to find the best bargains. It may have taken the best part of 5 years, but I have a place here.
I'm afraid life will go on without me, and suddenly I will be "placeless" again. I don't want to do this again...not yet.
Still, I am going. I am leaving the comfortable, the friends, the family, but only for a short period. I think it is something that has to be done. This isn't that daring anyways. I will be back. Please, can we hang out before I leave and when I return? You all matter to me a lot.
Being safe is a dangerous thing.
Thank you Metcalf drivers for restoring hope.
-
I just received an e-mail with placements for the trainee program I am doing this summer. I work with high schoolers. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and terror.
I really want to stay and do summer staff here. Because it's safe. I know people here. I have a special place in my heart for the girls house. And the people with whom I shared last summer. I really like the kids I worked with. It would be easy to stay - and probably have a great time being here. I have a wonderful community of friends here. I know the places to go drink coffee and read good books. I know what kind of coffee to drink when I go there and places to find the best bargains. It may have taken the best part of 5 years, but I have a place here.
I'm afraid life will go on without me, and suddenly I will be "placeless" again. I don't want to do this again...not yet.
Still, I am going. I am leaving the comfortable, the friends, the family, but only for a short period. I think it is something that has to be done. This isn't that daring anyways. I will be back. Please, can we hang out before I leave and when I return? You all matter to me a lot.
Being safe is a dangerous thing.
May 3, 2008
dusk and summer
Past 2 am. Incredible...I am normally never up this late. But tonight is special.
It's summer in Liberty. And tomorrow is my move out day. I currently sit on a cluttered bed in a boxed up room. It's cleaner now than it ever was this year.
It doesn't feel like summer. It's sticky inside like it's summer. It's lazy like summer. The dorm is moved out as it should be during the summer. But I don't think I really get that it's time to head out.
I have a friend moving to Colorado. One to Ghana. One to Tanzania. One to Louisiana. And I am, eventually, heading to Washington. And college is half finished. In two years who knows where we're headed. So I wind up feeling melancholy, nostalgic, anticipation, and an eventual numbness. I sound like an emo band. So I will entitle this post a dashboard song.
But who doesn't sound like an emo band on move out day, summer night #1 past 2 am?
It's summer in Liberty. And tomorrow is my move out day. I currently sit on a cluttered bed in a boxed up room. It's cleaner now than it ever was this year.
It doesn't feel like summer. It's sticky inside like it's summer. It's lazy like summer. The dorm is moved out as it should be during the summer. But I don't think I really get that it's time to head out.
I have a friend moving to Colorado. One to Ghana. One to Tanzania. One to Louisiana. And I am, eventually, heading to Washington. And college is half finished. In two years who knows where we're headed. So I wind up feeling melancholy, nostalgic, anticipation, and an eventual numbness. I sound like an emo band. So I will entitle this post a dashboard song.
But who doesn't sound like an emo band on move out day, summer night #1 past 2 am?
Apr 27, 2008
Seriously?
So my sister told me to go to the website (http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php) and find out what I order at Starbucks says about my personality.
I order a cafe misto. Coffee with hot skim milk.
Personality type: Lame
You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks grande cafe misto.
Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home
Seriously?
I order a cafe misto. Coffee with hot skim milk.
Personality type: Lame
You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks grande cafe misto.
Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home
Seriously?
Apr 23, 2008
life is for the living, the forgiven, and for leaving town alive
Hey hey hey.
Life is progressing faster. I thought it was spring break last week. Now it's finals. 1 down, 3 to go.
Big news in the life. I am moving to Washington for about 8 weeks to work in a church out there. Now, you may be wondering, "how many jobs in a church is Sarah going to take?". I will answer - 3. As of now. There is always next summer too!
I can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea. Moving. To Washington. For 2 months.
Road tripping.
The plan as of now is:
*Leave town when I am 20+1 day.
*Drive to Montrose.
*Drive to Idaho.
*Drive to Portland.
*Hang out with Rachel Bain.
*Tri-Cities here I come.
I can't seem to write in anything but simple sentences; perhaps I am just so excited and am trying to express myself as purely as I can. I am tired and in a get to the point mood.
Point is:
I have no idea what God is doing in my life. But I have to believe He's doing something.
Now - here's what I need from you:
1) Book on tape ideas. I already bought Les Miserables since we all know I will NEVER make it through the book unless I listen to it whilst driving. Other ideas? I would say Through Painted Deserts but I already read it. Three Cups of Tea? What else?
2) The best traveling music you know of. I am compiling playlists as we speak. If you want to make me a CD of good songs or artists - I won't object. But your recommendations are gladly welcomed. Already on the list:
-Brett Dennen
-Mindy Smith
-Nickel Creek
-Caedmon's Call
-Patty Griffen
-Elizabethtown soundtrack
-Sarah Harmer
I feel like this is a lame post. Maybe I will delete it and start over.
Hope your Wednesday is fantastic.
Life is progressing faster. I thought it was spring break last week. Now it's finals. 1 down, 3 to go.
Big news in the life. I am moving to Washington for about 8 weeks to work in a church out there. Now, you may be wondering, "how many jobs in a church is Sarah going to take?". I will answer - 3. As of now. There is always next summer too!
I can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea. Moving. To Washington. For 2 months.
Road tripping.
The plan as of now is:
*Leave town when I am 20+1 day.
*Drive to Montrose.
*Drive to Idaho.
*Drive to Portland.
*Hang out with Rachel Bain.
*Tri-Cities here I come.
I can't seem to write in anything but simple sentences; perhaps I am just so excited and am trying to express myself as purely as I can. I am tired and in a get to the point mood.
Point is:
I have no idea what God is doing in my life. But I have to believe He's doing something.
Now - here's what I need from you:
1) Book on tape ideas. I already bought Les Miserables since we all know I will NEVER make it through the book unless I listen to it whilst driving. Other ideas? I would say Through Painted Deserts but I already read it. Three Cups of Tea? What else?
2) The best traveling music you know of. I am compiling playlists as we speak. If you want to make me a CD of good songs or artists - I won't object. But your recommendations are gladly welcomed. Already on the list:
-Brett Dennen
-Mindy Smith
-Nickel Creek
-Caedmon's Call
-Patty Griffen
-Elizabethtown soundtrack
-Sarah Harmer
I feel like this is a lame post. Maybe I will delete it and start over.
Hope your Wednesday is fantastic.
Apr 18, 2008
echoes and silence, patience and grace
Hello blog world. I have returned.
I am listening to Foo Fighters for the first time ever. I like it. I really do. And by listening I mean I am listening to one song. On repeat. It fits the mood of the day.
Two weeks from yesterday I will be officially done with half of college. I don't really know what to do with that. I thought that summer seemed to fit, but perhaps the weather is throwing me off. Regardless, I can't seem to comprehend four month freedom starting in two weeks.
I wish I knew what I was doing with my summer. I will know if I get the job I applied for by Wednesday. I'm sure I will let you know.
I am 4/5 done with my time in this clinical rotation. In all honesty, I love geriatrics. I don't know if it's my calling in life, but these people are fantastic. I gave my first injection yesterday. Scariest ever but my patient was great about it. Just offered up her arm for sacrificial purposes.
My antsy tendencies are getting to me. I think the best remedy is a road trip. One is in the works. I cannot wait.
Really, it's not that exciting in my world. Apparently there was an earthquake here? Who knew?
I am listening to Foo Fighters for the first time ever. I like it. I really do. And by listening I mean I am listening to one song. On repeat. It fits the mood of the day.
Two weeks from yesterday I will be officially done with half of college. I don't really know what to do with that. I thought that summer seemed to fit, but perhaps the weather is throwing me off. Regardless, I can't seem to comprehend four month freedom starting in two weeks.
I wish I knew what I was doing with my summer. I will know if I get the job I applied for by Wednesday. I'm sure I will let you know.
I am 4/5 done with my time in this clinical rotation. In all honesty, I love geriatrics. I don't know if it's my calling in life, but these people are fantastic. I gave my first injection yesterday. Scariest ever but my patient was great about it. Just offered up her arm for sacrificial purposes.
My antsy tendencies are getting to me. I think the best remedy is a road trip. One is in the works. I cannot wait.
Really, it's not that exciting in my world. Apparently there was an earthquake here? Who knew?
Mar 27, 2008
today is the first
I made it to and through my first clinical. My only first clinical. I made it on time. I made it through the day without throwing up...though I came close.
I wore white scrubs. A nametag. Used my stethoscope. Read through a confidential chart LEGALLY. Made mistakes. Did stuff right. Looked stupid. And I walked in the door at 6:30 and out at 10:40. I thought I would feel good, feel release.
Instead I was thinking "I have to do this for the rest of college." It was not a pleasant thought.
Sarah, maybe you picked the wrong major. Nay I say.
I picked a major that requires you to learn and master skill. Not my strongest suit. Cue Aida. The caring piece comes with time, as skills become second nature. As fear is replaced by confidence. As timidity is replaced by strength.
Last night I was scared...as I was the entire time I was in the hospital. But I found these words in Isaiah 35:
Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come to save you."
Maybe taken out of context. Maybe I am making to much of the fear. But today when I felt tired, worried, nervous, anxious, I prayed for God to strengthen my feeble hands and steady my knees. Then I picked up the breakfast tray and introduced myself.
Sarah Parsons, William Jewell student nurse, ready to faint all over you. Don't trust me with anything sharp...
YET.
I wore white scrubs. A nametag. Used my stethoscope. Read through a confidential chart LEGALLY. Made mistakes. Did stuff right. Looked stupid. And I walked in the door at 6:30 and out at 10:40. I thought I would feel good, feel release.
Instead I was thinking "I have to do this for the rest of college." It was not a pleasant thought.
Sarah, maybe you picked the wrong major. Nay I say.
I picked a major that requires you to learn and master skill. Not my strongest suit. Cue Aida. The caring piece comes with time, as skills become second nature. As fear is replaced by confidence. As timidity is replaced by strength.
Last night I was scared...as I was the entire time I was in the hospital. But I found these words in Isaiah 35:
Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come to save you."
Maybe taken out of context. Maybe I am making to much of the fear. But today when I felt tired, worried, nervous, anxious, I prayed for God to strengthen my feeble hands and steady my knees. Then I picked up the breakfast tray and introduced myself.
Sarah Parsons, William Jewell student nurse, ready to faint all over you. Don't trust me with anything sharp...
YET.
Mar 12, 2008
And the deserts bloom, He makes all things new.
Over the summer I got to spend a lot of time with a group of eight girls. I lived with them. We all shared a room and two bathrooms. I enjoyed watching three of them make their way around the room not touching the floor. They climbed over beds and dressers and swung themselves on closet doors. One I watched the entire BBC production of Pride and Prejudice with. One I worked with more than any of the others, and we had great laughs in working with middle school girls and each other. One I thought I was too immature to relate with, and we became close friends. One I would ride in a car with and watch in amazement at her energy, outgoing attitude, and rocking hair. And one shared a bunk bed and a bathroom with me, shared stories, shared tears, shared laughs, and I catch glimpses of her weekly.
I was utterly blessed by this group of girls. We fit together in uncanny ways. We broke curfew nearly every night. We hated my alarm. We hated the house alarm. We collectively became comfortable with ourselves and each other. And the favorite night was staff bonding...when we were required to hang out with everyone.
The first night of summer staff I sat blindfolded next to one of the other girls. She was the one I knew the best going in, and the one I expected to feel the most inferior to. We started talking about books as we were transported to our secret location. She talked about Redeeming Love and Hosea. I proceeded to read Hosea a lot over the summer. You see, this girl, she is quite incredible. Beautiful, easy to talk to, hilarious, and a humble heart. I read Hosea because she said I should. A portion that has hit me square between the eyes...
Hosea married a prostitute and dealt with her infidelity and wayward eyes on a regular basis. It was God's metaphor for his relationship with Israel. His people who looked to other gods and means for satisfaction. They thought they could do it on their own, so they turned away from God. He proceeded to ruin their success. He punished them...but not forever. Hosea allowed his wife to return again and again a ruined woman, yet he always redeemed her with the unwavering love and acceptance. God did the same with Israel.
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.'
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
Hosea renders you ruined. Embarrassed and ashamed, yet simultaneously hopeful and overwhelmed with love. I am a broken person, a prostitute to the world. I have turned away, letting myself be caught up in the culture of money and lust and selfishness and materialism. I care about things and how I appear to others above people and loving God and others. And God has been silent because I have not listened.
On Friday I am going to Utah...to the desert. And as I prepare, I can't help but think that God is alluring me and leading me to the desert. Both spiritually and physically, I have entered and am entering a place with little means of survival. I am counting on God to provide me with the sustenance I need to make it. I am asking that He grant forgiveness for my turning away. That He bring me to the door of hope. That He love me. That He betroth me in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion, in faithfulness.
God's mercies are new every morning. I pray that my broken heart will soften to the joy that comes in the love of One who is bigger than me.
I was utterly blessed by this group of girls. We fit together in uncanny ways. We broke curfew nearly every night. We hated my alarm. We hated the house alarm. We collectively became comfortable with ourselves and each other. And the favorite night was staff bonding...when we were required to hang out with everyone.
The first night of summer staff I sat blindfolded next to one of the other girls. She was the one I knew the best going in, and the one I expected to feel the most inferior to. We started talking about books as we were transported to our secret location. She talked about Redeeming Love and Hosea. I proceeded to read Hosea a lot over the summer. You see, this girl, she is quite incredible. Beautiful, easy to talk to, hilarious, and a humble heart. I read Hosea because she said I should. A portion that has hit me square between the eyes...
Hosea married a prostitute and dealt with her infidelity and wayward eyes on a regular basis. It was God's metaphor for his relationship with Israel. His people who looked to other gods and means for satisfaction. They thought they could do it on their own, so they turned away from God. He proceeded to ruin their success. He punished them...but not forever. Hosea allowed his wife to return again and again a ruined woman, yet he always redeemed her with the unwavering love and acceptance. God did the same with Israel.
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.'
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
Hosea renders you ruined. Embarrassed and ashamed, yet simultaneously hopeful and overwhelmed with love. I am a broken person, a prostitute to the world. I have turned away, letting myself be caught up in the culture of money and lust and selfishness and materialism. I care about things and how I appear to others above people and loving God and others. And God has been silent because I have not listened.
On Friday I am going to Utah...to the desert. And as I prepare, I can't help but think that God is alluring me and leading me to the desert. Both spiritually and physically, I have entered and am entering a place with little means of survival. I am counting on God to provide me with the sustenance I need to make it. I am asking that He grant forgiveness for my turning away. That He bring me to the door of hope. That He love me. That He betroth me in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion, in faithfulness.
God's mercies are new every morning. I pray that my broken heart will soften to the joy that comes in the love of One who is bigger than me.
Mar 10, 2008
Mar 4, 2008
It's my favorite time of the semester. The time that I always look forward to at the close of one and the beginning of another. The time that gets me excited about moving forward in education, while simultaneously creating anxiety over book costs and amount of work.
Registration. For classes. For September. Glorious.
This is what it is:
Adult Health - 8 hours
Pathophysiology (unless taken in the summer) - 3 hours
School and Society (Power and Justice CTI - the only one that fits in my schedule) - 4 hours
The least amount of credit hours I will have taken thus far in school. Interesting. Maybe I will take another CTI.
Registration. For classes. For September. Glorious.
This is what it is:
Adult Health - 8 hours
Pathophysiology (unless taken in the summer) - 3 hours
School and Society (Power and Justice CTI - the only one that fits in my schedule) - 4 hours
The least amount of credit hours I will have taken thus far in school. Interesting. Maybe I will take another CTI.
Feb 26, 2008
I want to be in bed in 46 minutes.
Sweet relief. My paper is done. Turned in online. I will not look at it again until it is returned with a grade on top. I can honestly say I worked hard on this paper. I can honestly say I tried my best to write. I can honestly say I spent my Friday night writing for 7 hours. I did get distracted a lot in those 7 hours...but still. I worked a lot.
I have much that I want to write about. My thoughts are flowing. However, I have reading to do and flashcards to make and study. I will leave you with this...
My senior nursing major friend Becky and I went out to dinner to have some quality friend time. In talking about nursing school, as I am just beginning and she is reaching the end, we were talking about the fun and the not-so-fun that goes into the major. She said "Nursing majors don't have a normal college experience at this school. You just have a different schedule."
It makes me sad. I want to remember college as fun. I want to remember the experience. But does my major prevent that? I study a lot. I wake up early. I tell people to be quiet if they are loud past midnight. I get cranky. I keep my door shut. I feel like a bad RA. I feel like I don't do well in classes - even though my grades show different. I don't have a lot of heart to put into my work. It's really hard to be half-assed in my day to day life.
But by golly, I WILL put in a catheter in two days.
I have much that I want to write about. My thoughts are flowing. However, I have reading to do and flashcards to make and study. I will leave you with this...
My senior nursing major friend Becky and I went out to dinner to have some quality friend time. In talking about nursing school, as I am just beginning and she is reaching the end, we were talking about the fun and the not-so-fun that goes into the major. She said "Nursing majors don't have a normal college experience at this school. You just have a different schedule."
It makes me sad. I want to remember college as fun. I want to remember the experience. But does my major prevent that? I study a lot. I wake up early. I tell people to be quiet if they are loud past midnight. I get cranky. I keep my door shut. I feel like a bad RA. I feel like I don't do well in classes - even though my grades show different. I don't have a lot of heart to put into my work. It's really hard to be half-assed in my day to day life.
But by golly, I WILL put in a catheter in two days.
Feb 22, 2008
With A Little Help From My Friends
I am writing a paper. If you have input, please let me know. Here is the prompt.
In Early Medieval Art, Lawrence Nees writes: “Over the tomb of St. Martin of Tours the visitor could have read: ‘Here lies Martin the bishop, of holy memory, whose soul is in the hand of God: but he is fully here, present and made plain in miracles of every kind.’ The inscription encapsulates many of the fundamental themes of the cult of the saints: the physical body, remembrance, intimate connection to God, miracles, and living presence among the faithful who come to his tomb” (117). Write an essay in which you consider how a particular culture’s view of ontology informs or shapes their attitude toward the material world, using at least two specific examples of art and/or architecture. (Their attitude toward the material world can include their understanding and treatment of that realm.)
HELP.
In Early Medieval Art, Lawrence Nees writes: “Over the tomb of St. Martin of Tours the visitor could have read: ‘Here lies Martin the bishop, of holy memory, whose soul is in the hand of God: but he is fully here, present and made plain in miracles of every kind.’ The inscription encapsulates many of the fundamental themes of the cult of the saints: the physical body, remembrance, intimate connection to God, miracles, and living presence among the faithful who come to his tomb” (117). Write an essay in which you consider how a particular culture’s view of ontology informs or shapes their attitude toward the material world, using at least two specific examples of art and/or architecture. (Their attitude toward the material world can include their understanding and treatment of that realm.)
HELP.
Feb 20, 2008
What Lost Character Are You?
Intrigued by this question, I naturally took the Facebook quiz to find out which of my favorite people in the whole wide world (or is it purgatory!?) I am.
The questions were hilarious. This was my personal favorite.
If your friends were in trouble, you would:
Kick ass and take names.
Exploit their weaknesses and use them to your advantage.
Talk them through it.
Drink, start yelling, then get to it eventually.
Let the universe sort it out.
Drown.
My first instinct was to put number 1. But let's be honest, I only wish I could be like the Others. Then I wanted to put "drown" just so I could be Charlie in the end. Poor Charlie.
For your information, my "ideal" Lost character is Kate.
My actual character is CLAIRE!? Who knew.
Description being:
You are sweet and sometimes flakey. Prone to many styles and phases, you have one consistency: your genuineness. You speak your mind always, and you're not afraid to tell people what you think. Also, you may have an evil baby.
Buzz kill.
The questions were hilarious. This was my personal favorite.
If your friends were in trouble, you would:
Kick ass and take names.
Exploit their weaknesses and use them to your advantage.
Talk them through it.
Drink, start yelling, then get to it eventually.
Let the universe sort it out.
Drown.
My first instinct was to put number 1. But let's be honest, I only wish I could be like the Others. Then I wanted to put "drown" just so I could be Charlie in the end. Poor Charlie.
For your information, my "ideal" Lost character is Kate.
My actual character is CLAIRE!? Who knew.
Description being:
You are sweet and sometimes flakey. Prone to many styles and phases, you have one consistency: your genuineness. You speak your mind always, and you're not afraid to tell people what you think. Also, you may have an evil baby.
Buzz kill.
Feb 2, 2008
Where I Stood
something told me to run...
there were sounds in my head,
little voices whispering
that I should go and this should end
...and I found myself listening
The song is about leaving. Leaving someone behind who you love. Not entirely applicable to my life right now, but it mirrors what is happening internally.
I am unsettled. There is something inside grating at the edges, and I feel it. The voice that tells me to go a new direction, that there is something "out there" that needs to be seen. And I'm allowing myself to listen - and ending up rather torn.
I think I've become too comfortable where I am. Life is easy here. Life is safe here. And while feeling safe is never a bad thing, I truly believe that God has never intended for us to live in safety for long. Following Christ is giving up a life of comfort and safety and stability. He had "no place to lay His head", and He interacted with the lepers and the tax collectors and those who led lives that didn't mirror His.
Like Mr. Beaver said: "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
When the rich young ruler came to Jesus to see what was required of him to get into heaven, he claimed to have followed the rules. He had kept the commandments, stayed within the boundaries - saying he had done what was necessary for salvation. I love Jesus' reaction to him in Mark 10.
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
And then, He tells the ruler to give everything has away. To free himself of the worldly comforts he possessed, to bless others through his sacrifice. And then, once that was done, Jesus had one more thing the ruler must do.
Then come, follow me.
Jesus asked for his followers to give up comforts and conveniences. A place to sleep, a guaranteed meal or drink of water, safety from religious figures. The life He lived was radical.
I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's my own selfish voice talking, or if it's Him telling me to stop being my own rich young ruler. The only thing that I am certain of is that I don't dare go against His path.
God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.
Guide me down the road of your commandments;
I love traveling this freeway!
Give me a bent for your words of wisdom,
and not for piling up loot.
Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets,
invigorate me on the pilgrim way.
---(Psalm 119:33-37)
there were sounds in my head,
little voices whispering
that I should go and this should end
...and I found myself listening
The song is about leaving. Leaving someone behind who you love. Not entirely applicable to my life right now, but it mirrors what is happening internally.
I am unsettled. There is something inside grating at the edges, and I feel it. The voice that tells me to go a new direction, that there is something "out there" that needs to be seen. And I'm allowing myself to listen - and ending up rather torn.
I think I've become too comfortable where I am. Life is easy here. Life is safe here. And while feeling safe is never a bad thing, I truly believe that God has never intended for us to live in safety for long. Following Christ is giving up a life of comfort and safety and stability. He had "no place to lay His head", and He interacted with the lepers and the tax collectors and those who led lives that didn't mirror His.
Like Mr. Beaver said: "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
When the rich young ruler came to Jesus to see what was required of him to get into heaven, he claimed to have followed the rules. He had kept the commandments, stayed within the boundaries - saying he had done what was necessary for salvation. I love Jesus' reaction to him in Mark 10.
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
And then, He tells the ruler to give everything has away. To free himself of the worldly comforts he possessed, to bless others through his sacrifice. And then, once that was done, Jesus had one more thing the ruler must do.
Then come, follow me.
Jesus asked for his followers to give up comforts and conveniences. A place to sleep, a guaranteed meal or drink of water, safety from religious figures. The life He lived was radical.
I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's my own selfish voice talking, or if it's Him telling me to stop being my own rich young ruler. The only thing that I am certain of is that I don't dare go against His path.
God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.
Guide me down the road of your commandments;
I love traveling this freeway!
Give me a bent for your words of wisdom,
and not for piling up loot.
Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets,
invigorate me on the pilgrim way.
---(Psalm 119:33-37)
Jan 16, 2008
Much Farther To Go
Sometimes, I get discouraged. I feel like people love other people and end up getting screwed. I have watched people hurt each other, their friends, their families, their significant others. Yes, broken people, broken world. But I end up thinking I'm better off just where I am. Don't get any closer. And then I remember that, actually, life really sucks without other people. Being lonely is probably one of the worst feelings...because we all just want someone to love us.
Sometimes, I get discouraged. I like to understand what's going on. I like to be clued it. I like to remember the things I study. I don't like when I don't get it. As happened when trying to understand the cardiovascular system and how you assess it. And when I read things about Early Christian art and Ancient Roman art. And when I read for Pharmacology and don't recall a single thing I had just spent the last hour trying to beat into my brain.
Sometimes, I get discouraged. I am the only college student who goes to my church. I want people my age to go to church with me. I want the community I tried to integrate into, despite the different life stage, to stay together. When I go to church, sometimes I feel as though I am an outsider...which is ironic since I have been there for a long time. I am tempted to pick up and leave, because it would be easier for me. I would have more "fun" going to church with people my age. I would satisfy those desires for things that church shouldn't be about. Because as soon as we start listening to the "I" statements in our lives, we make ourselves more important than we should ever be.
Sometimes, I get discouraged. As when I try to plan a well campaign to run through Lent at my church, and all I meet is red tape. Committees and boards and meetings that have to approve the idea. And you know, churches need rules. They needs parameters. They need to approve this. But I get so frustrated when it seems that I can't be heard, that my dream won't come to fruition, that I am a young person trying to sit down with middle-aged men to answer their questions about an organization, and how it is funded, and why I chose it, when all I want to do is encourage people to help me dig a well in an AIDS-devastated community.
...
And then, as frustration mounts and discouragement grows and I get fed up, I walk outside. I leave the computer lab to find the snow falling. There's no one on campus. There's nothing but the sound of snow.
I love the sound of snow.
The muffled, gentle murmur of snowflakes hitting the bricks. The hiss as the wind blows the top layer around. And the rest of the world has to slow, quiet down, and watch. There is something about snow that is captivating. It is an unchained creation of God. It falls and settles and the world looks completely different. Snow never fails to bring a smile to my face.
And somehow, snow reminds me of this:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:
My heart aches for the people in my life who are hurting. For the people dying of AIDS and parasitic diseases and the cold in the city. When I think about them, my discouragement in studying and in my selfish desires in church seem like pitiful excuses for discouragement. And so I will try to let them go and instead, quietly hope for help and bow in prayer for those who are hurting and for a world that is broken.
Sometimes, I get discouraged. I like to understand what's going on. I like to be clued it. I like to remember the things I study. I don't like when I don't get it. As happened when trying to understand the cardiovascular system and how you assess it. And when I read things about Early Christian art and Ancient Roman art. And when I read for Pharmacology and don't recall a single thing I had just spent the last hour trying to beat into my brain.
Sometimes, I get discouraged. I am the only college student who goes to my church. I want people my age to go to church with me. I want the community I tried to integrate into, despite the different life stage, to stay together. When I go to church, sometimes I feel as though I am an outsider...which is ironic since I have been there for a long time. I am tempted to pick up and leave, because it would be easier for me. I would have more "fun" going to church with people my age. I would satisfy those desires for things that church shouldn't be about. Because as soon as we start listening to the "I" statements in our lives, we make ourselves more important than we should ever be.
Sometimes, I get discouraged. As when I try to plan a well campaign to run through Lent at my church, and all I meet is red tape. Committees and boards and meetings that have to approve the idea. And you know, churches need rules. They needs parameters. They need to approve this. But I get so frustrated when it seems that I can't be heard, that my dream won't come to fruition, that I am a young person trying to sit down with middle-aged men to answer their questions about an organization, and how it is funded, and why I chose it, when all I want to do is encourage people to help me dig a well in an AIDS-devastated community.
...
And then, as frustration mounts and discouragement grows and I get fed up, I walk outside. I leave the computer lab to find the snow falling. There's no one on campus. There's nothing but the sound of snow.
I love the sound of snow.
The muffled, gentle murmur of snowflakes hitting the bricks. The hiss as the wind blows the top layer around. And the rest of the world has to slow, quiet down, and watch. There is something about snow that is captivating. It is an unchained creation of God. It falls and settles and the world looks completely different. Snow never fails to bring a smile to my face.
And somehow, snow reminds me of this:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:
My heart aches for the people in my life who are hurting. For the people dying of AIDS and parasitic diseases and the cold in the city. When I think about them, my discouragement in studying and in my selfish desires in church seem like pitiful excuses for discouragement. And so I will try to let them go and instead, quietly hope for help and bow in prayer for those who are hurting and for a world that is broken.
Jan 6, 2008
In Today's Headlines
There is some sobering news in the Montrose Daily Press this past week. However, I found several quotes within articles that I could not help but share with the adoring three readers I have. aMARAcan cheese...where's your blog?
Anyways, here are the highs:
A truck drove through the front doors in the local Wal-Mart. Miraculously, no one was killed. And I am not making this incident a laughing matter...but an example of some Montrose local lingo:
“(The truck) hit three of the beams that holds the roof up and he hit a big (beam),” he said. “... this guy comes in and pulled (the driver) out ... I seen two people jump out of the way — I mean, jump.”
Really? I don't understand what this man was talking about. In response to this article, a lot of prayers and thanks were sent for no one being seriously hurt. However, this remark was especially touching.
Ice T wrote on Jan 6, 2008 2:45 PM:
" The most exciting thing that ever happened in Montrose! Suckers! "
Thanks Ice T. You are so thoughtful.
In other news, Montrose is getting an upscale nightclub called The VIP Room (how unique) in Oxbow Crossing. What a joke of a shopping center. Anyways, here's the scoop.
He said the club will be upscale, intended to bring in an older crowd than some of the other local establishments. There will also be a dress code. "You know, we want to keep out some of the riffraff," Brune said.
Really. Brune also says "there will be an employee posted at both of the club's entrances and that patrons will be carded twice — at the entrance and at the bar. The club will use hand stamps as well as ID-checking machines."
Now, Brune, this older, upscale crowd you are drawing from - HAND STAMPS? What UPSCALE nightclub uses hand stamps? All I can say is good luck VIP Room. We all know how well La Bamba did...
There have also been a series of break-ins in Montrose. Our sleepy town is turning into slums. The latest was at a brickyard. Read on, my intrigued fellows.
Brickyard Manager Tom Rowan said he and a co-worker arrived to work Wednesday morning to discover a large double pane window shattered. “There was glass scattered across the office to the main door. At that point we knew we had a problem,” Rowan said.
Later in the article...
No computers or large tools were taken, Rowan said. However, a “minimal amount” of cash and small items such as pocket knives, which the business sells, were missing.
“I just hope they catch the little varmints,” Rowan said.
Me too, Tom. You set those traps for those varmints.
Finally, they are putting regulations in place for all body art establishments. Some new regulations include getting rid of "reusable" gloves and needles.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Anyways, here are the highs:
A truck drove through the front doors in the local Wal-Mart. Miraculously, no one was killed. And I am not making this incident a laughing matter...but an example of some Montrose local lingo:
“(The truck) hit three of the beams that holds the roof up and he hit a big (beam),” he said. “... this guy comes in and pulled (the driver) out ... I seen two people jump out of the way — I mean, jump.”
Really? I don't understand what this man was talking about. In response to this article, a lot of prayers and thanks were sent for no one being seriously hurt. However, this remark was especially touching.
Ice T wrote on Jan 6, 2008 2:45 PM:
" The most exciting thing that ever happened in Montrose! Suckers! "
Thanks Ice T. You are so thoughtful.
In other news, Montrose is getting an upscale nightclub called The VIP Room (how unique) in Oxbow Crossing. What a joke of a shopping center. Anyways, here's the scoop.
He said the club will be upscale, intended to bring in an older crowd than some of the other local establishments. There will also be a dress code. "You know, we want to keep out some of the riffraff," Brune said.
Really. Brune also says "there will be an employee posted at both of the club's entrances and that patrons will be carded twice — at the entrance and at the bar. The club will use hand stamps as well as ID-checking machines."
Now, Brune, this older, upscale crowd you are drawing from - HAND STAMPS? What UPSCALE nightclub uses hand stamps? All I can say is good luck VIP Room. We all know how well La Bamba did...
There have also been a series of break-ins in Montrose. Our sleepy town is turning into slums. The latest was at a brickyard. Read on, my intrigued fellows.
Brickyard Manager Tom Rowan said he and a co-worker arrived to work Wednesday morning to discover a large double pane window shattered. “There was glass scattered across the office to the main door. At that point we knew we had a problem,” Rowan said.
Later in the article...
No computers or large tools were taken, Rowan said. However, a “minimal amount” of cash and small items such as pocket knives, which the business sells, were missing.
“I just hope they catch the little varmints,” Rowan said.
Me too, Tom. You set those traps for those varmints.
Finally, they are putting regulations in place for all body art establishments. Some new regulations include getting rid of "reusable" gloves and needles.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jan 1, 2008
A Strange Sensation
Apparently, I am now an insomniac. My family is spending New Year's Eve in a hotel in Colorado Springs, and rather than watching the ball drop, I went to bed at 11. That was almost 5 hours ago. I can't sleep. I'm not really tired, but not really awake. This is a strange sensation.
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