Jul 19, 2008

Life Cereal

It's been a month. I have had ample amounts of time to write a new blog. So, here we are.

I've been to camp for a week. It was the most awful, wonderful, exhausting, exciting, rewarding, and draining experience I think I have ever had. I spent the week with a cabin of 10 campers. I came out of the week with some wonderful friendships and hilarious jokes.

Since moving here for the summer, I have tried my hand at paintball, ultimate frisbee, ice blocking, and being candid as to my pooping habits. What has come over me? Must be the toxic waste in this place.

Last weekend I went to Seattle. It was so wonderful. I have pretty pictures from being there - sunsets and friends and sights to behold.

Too often I try to impress people with sounding smart or trying to make people laugh or looking good - all in a pathetic attempt to get affirmation. It's sickening when your eyes finally open to the ways you grasp for acceptance. Being in a new place with few friends makes this pop out all the more. Donald Miller said "All of the insecurity rises the instant you realize you are alone. No insecurity was felt when the person who loved you was around, but in his absence, it instantly comes to the surface."

Hits me square between the eyes. I feel lonely here a lot, and it makes me rather desperate to find people to tell me I matter. I am subject to constant fear of failure and inadequacy.

It's a rather unfortunate way of life. It leaves you, more often than not, emptier than before.

I don't have it all figured out. I don't know what God is doing in my life right now, but I know I am coming home changed, different. I think it will be good.

"I think Jesus is saying, 'Look, you guys are running around like monkeys trying to get people to clap, but people are fallen, they are separated from God, so they have no idea what is good or bad, worthy to be judged or set free, beautiful or ugly to begin with. Why not get your glory from God? Why not accept your feelings of redemption because of His pleasure in you, not the fickle and empty favor of man? And only then will you know who you are...'" (Donald Miller - Searching For God Knows What)

Play Coldplay's "Fix You", listen for the movie scene interlude, and make one up. It's a lot of fun. There's my shout out to blogger friend/sister/HOB Mara.




    I LOVE THAT SOMEDAY SOMEONE WILL FIGHT FOR US LIKE THAT. and then see us in the park. and kiss our noses. hopefully we each have different dudes though.

    you and i? we have an intimate chat coming our way.. we have some things to discuss...

  2. AH
    life cereal!!

    i ate it at don and lisa's
    and then came back here and bought some.

  3. you played paintball? that's so montrose!

    you're kind of wise. and also humble.

    i don't quite understand the coldplay game. or maybe i do, i am just second guessing myself.

  4. A lot of the things you said sound a lot like what's going on inside me these days... I think I might go grab that book after work today. Mr. Miller is so very soothing and sharp at the same time...