May 20, 2008

I don't like leaving

I have a newfound faith in the goodness of humanity. 6 lanes of traffic on Metcalf stopped for a gaggle of geese (with baby geese) to cross the road.

Thank you Metcalf drivers for restoring hope.


I just received an e-mail with placements for the trainee program I am doing this summer. I work with high schoolers. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and terror.

I really want to stay and do summer staff here. Because it's safe. I know people here. I have a special place in my heart for the girls house. And the people with whom I shared last summer. I really like the kids I worked with. It would be easy to stay - and probably have a great time being here. I have a wonderful community of friends here. I know the places to go drink coffee and read good books. I know what kind of coffee to drink when I go there and places to find the best bargains. It may have taken the best part of 5 years, but I have a place here.

I'm afraid life will go on without me, and suddenly I will be "placeless" again. I don't want to do this again...not yet.

Still, I am going. I am leaving the comfortable, the friends, the family, but only for a short period. I think it is something that has to be done. This isn't that daring anyways. I will be back. Please, can we hang out before I leave and when I return? You all matter to me a lot.

Being safe is a dangerous thing.

May 3, 2008

dusk and summer

Past 2 am. Incredible...I am normally never up this late. But tonight is special.

It's summer in Liberty. And tomorrow is my move out day. I currently sit on a cluttered bed in a boxed up room. It's cleaner now than it ever was this year.

It doesn't feel like summer. It's sticky inside like it's summer. It's lazy like summer. The dorm is moved out as it should be during the summer. But I don't think I really get that it's time to head out.

I have a friend moving to Colorado. One to Ghana. One to Tanzania. One to Louisiana. And I am, eventually, heading to Washington. And college is half finished. In two years who knows where we're headed. So I wind up feeling melancholy, nostalgic, anticipation, and an eventual numbness. I sound like an emo band. So I will entitle this post a dashboard song.

But who doesn't sound like an emo band on move out day, summer night #1 past 2 am?