Aug 28, 2008

a beggar's heart

Tonight marks the end. Tomorrow marks the beginning. The new freshman move in. My hall is ready (sort of), my room is clean, I have a new chair, I have 10 new faces to meet tomorrow.

Monday begins a new realm of school. I am looking at 17 credits, RA in a first-year dorm, a second job, homecoming committee(!??!). Someone asked me "when will you have fun?"

I don't know the answer.

I know that I will be empty. I know that I will be tired, burnt out, worn out, potentially unhappy, potentially failing. I will have a choice: between being those things or embracing the end of myself.

I was just struck with the idea that this could be a blessing. A lesson in giving up everything and saying help. I can't make it through this life with sanity, joy, and peace on my own.

Never underestimate my Jesus. Never lack in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

Jesus help me.


  1. oh how i miss you.

    we NEED to talk soon. it has been far too long. when can i see you and/or visit you?

    :) love you so much.

  2. This is what you have to do if you want Jesus to help you.

    1. spend all of your free time in church
    2. you're not allowed to have any fun unless you're laughing at how dumb the devil is
    3. wear t-shirts with my face on it
    4. always smile and act happy
    and finally - wear a stylish beard, like mine

  3. Dear big sister,

    Fly back and bring me coffee, its weird without it.

  4. I wish I could come visit your store for an ice cream cone. Because I can't remember the last time I had an ice cream cone.