Where I Stood

something told me to run...
there were sounds in my head,
little voices whispering
that I should go and this should end
...and I found myself listening

The song is about leaving. Leaving someone behind who you love. Not entirely applicable to my life right now, but it mirrors what is happening internally.

I am unsettled. There is something inside grating at the edges, and I feel it. The voice that tells me to go a new direction, that there is something "out there" that needs to be seen. And I'm allowing myself to listen - and ending up rather torn.

I think I've become too comfortable where I am. Life is easy here. Life is safe here. And while feeling safe is never a bad thing, I truly believe that God has never intended for us to live in safety for long. Following Christ is giving up a life of comfort and safety and stability. He had "no place to lay His head", and He interacted with the lepers and the tax collectors and those who led lives that didn't mirror His.

Like Mr. Beaver said: "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

When the rich young ruler came to Jesus to see what was required of him to get into heaven, he claimed to have followed the rules. He had kept the commandments, stayed within the boundaries - saying he had done what was necessary for salvation. I love Jesus' reaction to him in Mark 10.
Jesus looked at him and loved him.

And then, He tells the ruler to give everything has away. To free himself of the worldly comforts he possessed, to bless others through his sacrifice. And then, once that was done, Jesus had one more thing the ruler must do.

Then come, follow me.

Jesus asked for his followers to give up comforts and conveniences. A place to sleep, a guaranteed meal or drink of water, safety from religious figures. The life He lived was radical.

I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's my own selfish voice talking, or if it's Him telling me to stop being my own rich young ruler. The only thing that I am certain of is that I don't dare go against His path.

God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.
Guide me down the road of your commandments;
I love traveling this freeway!
Give me a bent for your words of wisdom,
and not for piling up loot.
Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets,
invigorate me on the pilgrim way.
---(Psalm 119:33-37)