Heavy World

What do you do when you are disappointed? I'm disappointed in some people, in their actions, in their words.

But I have to recognize, I'm not proud of myself either. I have let my heart become vindictive, bitter, angry, and full of pride. I've been arrogant, and I've been selfish.

So now I sit and struggle with disappointment. Some in what I see in other people, but more in what I see in myself.

And as I sit and wonder what to do with my heart, I recall powerful words from Hope in the Dark.

"We walked along the dirt road to Muungano village where these words rested quietly on the brick wall next to a pharmacy shop. "What does Piny Pek mean?" I asked. "Heavy world," they said.

As I dragged my feet along the gravel with my head down, I found myself asking, "Why, God?" He told me, "Broken world, Daughter. Sin is real. Know and repent of your own, and then seek Justice and Love for My children. Do not lose hope, My child. Be an agent of mercy." And I slowly breathed in the stench, but allowed hope and God's promises of mercy and healing to remain. This peace that lies within me is one of eternal pain but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places."

Jena Lee wrote these about the brokenness she saw firsthand in the slums of African cities - but His words apply in my heart right now. When you watch brokenness unfold and sin seeps into the cracks - it's overwhelming. "Sin is real."

Know and repent of your own. I know what some of my sins are. In a lot of ways, I'm not ready to let them go. I'm not ready to embrace the ways I fall short, because I'm a proud heart. The sooner I admit I fail, the sooner I lose control.

I want Hosea 6 to be in me instead.
"Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth."