Over the summer I got to spend a lot of time with a group of eight girls. I lived with them. We all shared a room and two bathrooms. I enjoyed watching three of them make their way around the room not touching the floor. They climbed over beds and dressers and swung themselves on closet doors. One I watched the entire BBC production of Pride and Prejudice with. One I worked with more than any of the others, and we had great laughs in working with middle school girls and each other. One I thought I was too immature to relate with, and we became close friends. One I would ride in a car with and watch in amazement at her energy, outgoing attitude, and rocking hair. And one shared a bunk bed and a bathroom with me, shared stories, shared tears, shared laughs, and I catch glimpses of her weekly.
I was utterly blessed by this group of girls. We fit together in uncanny ways. We broke curfew nearly every night. We hated my alarm. We hated the house alarm. We collectively became comfortable with ourselves and each other. And the favorite night was staff bonding...when we were required to hang out with everyone.
The first night of summer staff I sat blindfolded next to one of the other girls. She was the one I knew the best going in, and the one I expected to feel the most inferior to. We started talking about books as we were transported to our secret location. She talked about Redeeming Love and Hosea. I proceeded to read Hosea a lot over the summer. You see, this girl, she is quite incredible. Beautiful, easy to talk to, hilarious, and a humble heart. I read Hosea because she said I should. A portion that has hit me square between the eyes...
Hosea married a prostitute and dealt with her infidelity and wayward eyes on a regular basis. It was God's metaphor for his relationship with Israel. His people who looked to other gods and means for satisfaction. They thought they could do it on their own, so they turned away from God. He proceeded to ruin their success. He punished them...but not forever. Hosea allowed his wife to return again and again a ruined woman, yet he always redeemed her with the unwavering love and acceptance. God did the same with Israel.
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.'
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
Hosea renders you ruined. Embarrassed and ashamed, yet simultaneously hopeful and overwhelmed with love. I am a broken person, a prostitute to the world. I have turned away, letting myself be caught up in the culture of money and lust and selfishness and materialism. I care about things and how I appear to others above people and loving God and others. And God has been silent because I have not listened.
On Friday I am going to Utah...to the desert. And as I prepare, I can't help but think that God is alluring me and leading me to the desert. Both spiritually and physically, I have entered and am entering a place with little means of survival. I am counting on God to provide me with the sustenance I need to make it. I am asking that He grant forgiveness for my turning away. That He bring me to the door of hope. That He love me. That He betroth me in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion, in faithfulness.
God's mercies are new every morning. I pray that my broken heart will soften to the joy that comes in the love of One who is bigger than me.
Mar 10, 2008
Mar 4, 2008
It's my favorite time of the semester. The time that I always look forward to at the close of one and the beginning of another. The time that gets me excited about moving forward in education, while simultaneously creating anxiety over book costs and amount of work.
Registration. For classes. For September. Glorious.
This is what it is:
Adult Health - 8 hours
Pathophysiology (unless taken in the summer) - 3 hours
School and Society (Power and Justice CTI - the only one that fits in my schedule) - 4 hours
The least amount of credit hours I will have taken thus far in school. Interesting. Maybe I will take another CTI.
Registration. For classes. For September. Glorious.
This is what it is:
Adult Health - 8 hours
Pathophysiology (unless taken in the summer) - 3 hours
School and Society (Power and Justice CTI - the only one that fits in my schedule) - 4 hours
The least amount of credit hours I will have taken thus far in school. Interesting. Maybe I will take another CTI.
Feb 26, 2008
I want to be in bed in 46 minutes.
Sweet relief. My paper is done. Turned in online. I will not look at it again until it is returned with a grade on top. I can honestly say I worked hard on this paper. I can honestly say I tried my best to write. I can honestly say I spent my Friday night writing for 7 hours. I did get distracted a lot in those 7 hours...but still. I worked a lot.
I have much that I want to write about. My thoughts are flowing. However, I have reading to do and flashcards to make and study. I will leave you with this...
My senior nursing major friend Becky and I went out to dinner to have some quality friend time. In talking about nursing school, as I am just beginning and she is reaching the end, we were talking about the fun and the not-so-fun that goes into the major. She said "Nursing majors don't have a normal college experience at this school. You just have a different schedule."
It makes me sad. I want to remember college as fun. I want to remember the experience. But does my major prevent that? I study a lot. I wake up early. I tell people to be quiet if they are loud past midnight. I get cranky. I keep my door shut. I feel like a bad RA. I feel like I don't do well in classes - even though my grades show different. I don't have a lot of heart to put into my work. It's really hard to be half-assed in my day to day life.
But by golly, I WILL put in a catheter in two days.
I have much that I want to write about. My thoughts are flowing. However, I have reading to do and flashcards to make and study. I will leave you with this...
My senior nursing major friend Becky and I went out to dinner to have some quality friend time. In talking about nursing school, as I am just beginning and she is reaching the end, we were talking about the fun and the not-so-fun that goes into the major. She said "Nursing majors don't have a normal college experience at this school. You just have a different schedule."
It makes me sad. I want to remember college as fun. I want to remember the experience. But does my major prevent that? I study a lot. I wake up early. I tell people to be quiet if they are loud past midnight. I get cranky. I keep my door shut. I feel like a bad RA. I feel like I don't do well in classes - even though my grades show different. I don't have a lot of heart to put into my work. It's really hard to be half-assed in my day to day life.
But by golly, I WILL put in a catheter in two days.
Feb 22, 2008
With A Little Help From My Friends
I am writing a paper. If you have input, please let me know. Here is the prompt.
In Early Medieval Art, Lawrence Nees writes: “Over the tomb of St. Martin of Tours the visitor could have read: ‘Here lies Martin the bishop, of holy memory, whose soul is in the hand of God: but he is fully here, present and made plain in miracles of every kind.’ The inscription encapsulates many of the fundamental themes of the cult of the saints: the physical body, remembrance, intimate connection to God, miracles, and living presence among the faithful who come to his tomb” (117). Write an essay in which you consider how a particular culture’s view of ontology informs or shapes their attitude toward the material world, using at least two specific examples of art and/or architecture. (Their attitude toward the material world can include their understanding and treatment of that realm.)
HELP.
In Early Medieval Art, Lawrence Nees writes: “Over the tomb of St. Martin of Tours the visitor could have read: ‘Here lies Martin the bishop, of holy memory, whose soul is in the hand of God: but he is fully here, present and made plain in miracles of every kind.’ The inscription encapsulates many of the fundamental themes of the cult of the saints: the physical body, remembrance, intimate connection to God, miracles, and living presence among the faithful who come to his tomb” (117). Write an essay in which you consider how a particular culture’s view of ontology informs or shapes their attitude toward the material world, using at least two specific examples of art and/or architecture. (Their attitude toward the material world can include their understanding and treatment of that realm.)
HELP.
Feb 20, 2008
What Lost Character Are You?
Intrigued by this question, I naturally took the Facebook quiz to find out which of my favorite people in the whole wide world (or is it purgatory!?) I am.
The questions were hilarious. This was my personal favorite.
If your friends were in trouble, you would:
Kick ass and take names.
Exploit their weaknesses and use them to your advantage.
Talk them through it.
Drink, start yelling, then get to it eventually.
Let the universe sort it out.
Drown.
My first instinct was to put number 1. But let's be honest, I only wish I could be like the Others. Then I wanted to put "drown" just so I could be Charlie in the end. Poor Charlie.
For your information, my "ideal" Lost character is Kate.
My actual character is CLAIRE!? Who knew.
Description being:
You are sweet and sometimes flakey. Prone to many styles and phases, you have one consistency: your genuineness. You speak your mind always, and you're not afraid to tell people what you think. Also, you may have an evil baby.
Buzz kill.
The questions were hilarious. This was my personal favorite.
If your friends were in trouble, you would:
Kick ass and take names.
Exploit their weaknesses and use them to your advantage.
Talk them through it.
Drink, start yelling, then get to it eventually.
Let the universe sort it out.
Drown.
My first instinct was to put number 1. But let's be honest, I only wish I could be like the Others. Then I wanted to put "drown" just so I could be Charlie in the end. Poor Charlie.
For your information, my "ideal" Lost character is Kate.
My actual character is CLAIRE!? Who knew.
Description being:
You are sweet and sometimes flakey. Prone to many styles and phases, you have one consistency: your genuineness. You speak your mind always, and you're not afraid to tell people what you think. Also, you may have an evil baby.
Buzz kill.
Feb 2, 2008
Where I Stood
something told me to run...
there were sounds in my head,
little voices whispering
that I should go and this should end
...and I found myself listening
The song is about leaving. Leaving someone behind who you love. Not entirely applicable to my life right now, but it mirrors what is happening internally.
I am unsettled. There is something inside grating at the edges, and I feel it. The voice that tells me to go a new direction, that there is something "out there" that needs to be seen. And I'm allowing myself to listen - and ending up rather torn.
I think I've become too comfortable where I am. Life is easy here. Life is safe here. And while feeling safe is never a bad thing, I truly believe that God has never intended for us to live in safety for long. Following Christ is giving up a life of comfort and safety and stability. He had "no place to lay His head", and He interacted with the lepers and the tax collectors and those who led lives that didn't mirror His.
Like Mr. Beaver said: "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
When the rich young ruler came to Jesus to see what was required of him to get into heaven, he claimed to have followed the rules. He had kept the commandments, stayed within the boundaries - saying he had done what was necessary for salvation. I love Jesus' reaction to him in Mark 10.
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
And then, He tells the ruler to give everything has away. To free himself of the worldly comforts he possessed, to bless others through his sacrifice. And then, once that was done, Jesus had one more thing the ruler must do.
Then come, follow me.
Jesus asked for his followers to give up comforts and conveniences. A place to sleep, a guaranteed meal or drink of water, safety from religious figures. The life He lived was radical.
I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's my own selfish voice talking, or if it's Him telling me to stop being my own rich young ruler. The only thing that I am certain of is that I don't dare go against His path.
God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.
Guide me down the road of your commandments;
I love traveling this freeway!
Give me a bent for your words of wisdom,
and not for piling up loot.
Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets,
invigorate me on the pilgrim way.
---(Psalm 119:33-37)
there were sounds in my head,
little voices whispering
that I should go and this should end
...and I found myself listening
The song is about leaving. Leaving someone behind who you love. Not entirely applicable to my life right now, but it mirrors what is happening internally.
I am unsettled. There is something inside grating at the edges, and I feel it. The voice that tells me to go a new direction, that there is something "out there" that needs to be seen. And I'm allowing myself to listen - and ending up rather torn.
I think I've become too comfortable where I am. Life is easy here. Life is safe here. And while feeling safe is never a bad thing, I truly believe that God has never intended for us to live in safety for long. Following Christ is giving up a life of comfort and safety and stability. He had "no place to lay His head", and He interacted with the lepers and the tax collectors and those who led lives that didn't mirror His.
Like Mr. Beaver said: "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
When the rich young ruler came to Jesus to see what was required of him to get into heaven, he claimed to have followed the rules. He had kept the commandments, stayed within the boundaries - saying he had done what was necessary for salvation. I love Jesus' reaction to him in Mark 10.
Jesus looked at him and loved him.
And then, He tells the ruler to give everything has away. To free himself of the worldly comforts he possessed, to bless others through his sacrifice. And then, once that was done, Jesus had one more thing the ruler must do.
Then come, follow me.
Jesus asked for his followers to give up comforts and conveniences. A place to sleep, a guaranteed meal or drink of water, safety from religious figures. The life He lived was radical.
I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's my own selfish voice talking, or if it's Him telling me to stop being my own rich young ruler. The only thing that I am certain of is that I don't dare go against His path.
God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.
Guide me down the road of your commandments;
I love traveling this freeway!
Give me a bent for your words of wisdom,
and not for piling up loot.
Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets,
invigorate me on the pilgrim way.
---(Psalm 119:33-37)
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