Day 3.1

It is difficult to begin to put into words how I am feeling at the moment. I feel so richly blessed to be here in this moment. I feel that the Lord has ordained these days, for this purpose.

At Mission of Hope I am surrounded by individuals who work to their core to bring the Hope of Jesus to a nation. They do so in such real, tangible ways, investing in the communities and in the lives of the people within those communities. The staff here are incredibly talented in their own roles. What an excellent group to work with, to learn from, and to serve alongside.

Yet it creates such an interesting dilemma: how to place oneself. How to decipher exactly what it is that God has brought you here to do. And no, it isn’t all about doing. Our lives are never meant to be deeds-driven. It’s not enough to simply do good.

Where does your heart stand? What exactly are YOU here for? Why did you get on that plane? Why did you leave a perfectly beautiful life? And how much of that gets in the way of what God really brought you here for?

So – why did I come? I couldn’t quite say. I am nearly positive that it isn’t 100% selfless. Some of me selfishly needed to be here. Some of me feels the pull to DO, to mask my pride and brokenness with actions. Because to everyone outside it paints a pretty picture.

Tonight is the night I begin to examine that. To do the hard work of exposing the rot. To sit in a dark room and apologize for the ways in which I have sought to put myself on a pedestal.

With each step we take, God has established a purpose. Perhaps a portion of that purpose is to begin to understand why we are going where we are going. Or perhaps it is simply to sit back and realize that every form of control we seek will only lead to ruin. May we have eyes to see.