a fork in the road

As they were going along the road,

someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."

And Jesus said to him,

"Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests,

but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head."

To another He said, "Follow me."

But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father."

And Jesus said to him,

"Leave the dead to bury their own dead.

But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

Yet another said,

"I will follow, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home."

Jesus said to him,

"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."

(Luke 9:57-62)

I think too often reading this passage my mind wanders to the radical call on our lives to follow Christ in terms of physical calling. Too often I see this as "Stay close to your family, or go somewhere foreign." But that isn't what God has brought us to. The decision, the radical call, is to follow Jesus or not. To count Him and His work above all else, and to be willing to turn away from anything in order to do what He has put in your path.

Precisely a week ago I came to a fork in the road. I got an e-mail Saturday night with an opportunity. The road I have been walking has headed west (to the promised land! Not really, but seriously).

The fork has headed south, physically speaking.

And in beginning to consider the choice, the different roads, I came to see that there was not a right and wrong. There is good in both roads. There is suffering and pain in both roads. And in both roads there is God.

I believe that God gives us choices sometimes. Sometimes there is a right or wrong. Sometimes there isn't. I don't think He has one road better than the other. Because each road is something physical in this world. But what really matters is the heart.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and He will make your paths straight.

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Am I choosing Him over all else? Am I following what He has set in front of me? Am I acknowledging Him above all? If I am, isn't He promising to make my paths straight? Isn't He promising to never leave or forsake? Isn't He promising that no eye has seen and no ear has heard of the things He has in store for those who love Him?

I believe He is.

So I made a choice. I made a decision to go down one path. I have mourned the loss of the good from the other path. I have mourned and feared the suffering and pain that is to come. But above all I have been reminded that "whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." (Philippians 3:7-8)

I believe and trust in a God who holds my days in His palm. He holds the days of my family members and friends in His palm. And He loves us and holds good for us. And I can rest and trust that.

And I don't have to be afraid of where this path will take me. Either path I chose, I was asked to make a daily choice to follow Jesus. That is what He required of His disciples, and that is what He requires of us now.

I have struggled with fear that I would make a wrong decision, that perhaps there really is a right and wrong in this fork. But I continue on in knowing that I need only acknowledge God each day, and I cannot go or do wrong.

So now, let us pray this each day in hopes that it will become our mindset.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself.

And the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing.

I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore, will I trust you always though I may seem lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear for you are ever with me.

And you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

-Thomas Merton*

Amen.

*Many thanks to my dad for sending this to and praying this over me.