be near me

I would like to think I am an emotionally stable person. I would like to think that I can keep a cool, calm head in all times. I would also like to think I am a kick ass runner, or completely secure in who I am, or that the world is full of good, trustworthy people.

Sometimes the things I think aren't really true.

I mean, I am emotionally stable, MOST of the time. But some days it isn't so easy.

Like the days your gas bill has increased by nearly 50%.

Or the days you find out the impending, very necessary repair on your car could be $500.

Or the days you realize you worked 4 hours in a week...totaling $32 before taxes.

Or the days your credit card bill for Christmas comes.

Other days too.

I talk out my anxieties. I talk out problems. I talk to my parents or my friends (saints, every one of them!), and I talk myself out of a breakdown. But before I calm down I have to talk it through.

So tonight, in spilling all of my fears about running out of money or risking my car breaking down to my dear Momma, I saw things a little clearer.

I have friends who have lost their homes and their friends and their families in a devastating disaster.

Dear people in my life have cancer.

People continue to go to sleep freezing and hungry on the streets tonight.

And I wake up each day and make the conscious decision to trust in Someone much bigger than myself.

I trust that my money will not run out, and that my bank account will increase enough to allow me to pay my bills.

I trust that my car won't break down before I can get the money and the time to fix it.

I trust that everything will fit in, in its proper time.

I trust not a single struggle or trial is wasted.

I trust in a God who is not angry or unjust, but a compassionate, faithful, loving, patient Lord who cares deeply for us.

Blessed be the Lord!

For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped;

my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.

The Lord is the strength of His people;

He is the saving refuge of His anointed.

(Psalm 28:6-8)