the wrecking ball

The last few days have been painful. The ache is tangible for somewhere other than here, but there is a new pain to be added to the mix.

It's the pain of learning you are wrong. I am weak. I am a sinner. I am messy.

But above all that I am prideful. That makes seeing weakness, sin, and mess very difficult to acknowledge.

I am in love with the people of Haiti. I miss the people of Haiti. I learned and grew and lived simply and joyfully. It is hard to come here, but I was reminded tonight that here is not my home. There is not my home either.

My home is with the Lord. I serve a Lord who loves me despite the fact that I look judgmentally on life, hiding behind my self-righteousness. I do desire to follow Him, and I am failing at it. But, as I am reminded every week at Redeemer, it has nothing to do with what I have done. I have nothing to merit my name. I have only Christ, and He has redeemed my soul from death.

The way he loves these precious ones, in the midst of the suffering without consistent meals or shelter from the rains...

The way he looks upon each child in Haiti, in every nation, how he knows every detail of their existence...
The way my parents' love for me and my siblings mirrors His love, but is only a slight reflection of the overwhelming love of Christ...

His love is stronger, bigger, immeasurable, immovable. stubborn. And that gives me hope because even though I can be stubborn and unmoved in my pride, His love wins. Every time.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Lord, may your power rest upon me in the coming days.