Jul 20, 2009


Since arriving back in Kansas City on Thursday evening, I have been busy working, declaring myself a Missouri resident, riding roller coasters, and enjoying returning to Redeemer.  I have caught up with friends, read books, and bought my own groceries for the first time ever.

My life is being removed from Jewell.  Whereas school has been the focal point of life, moving into The Castle has liberated me from the bubble of William Jewell.  And I really like it.

This morning I woke up without an alarm, made organic, fair-trade coffee from Nicaragua, and ate my granola (WITHOUT RAISINS!) and yogurt.  And I just really enjoy sitting on my bed, eating breakfast, reading in the quiet of the house.

Coming back from Haiti, the "culture shock" was delayed.  I spent two days in KC packed with unpacking and people.  It wasn't until I was on the cruise, spending more and more time alone, that I began to feel a sense of loss, a sense of unsettledness.  It felt sort of like everything that had been constant and steady seemed to fall away.  I instead was overwhelmed by the sense that I had no control whatsoever.

My time in Washington, while marked with friends that I love to death and life-giving conversations, left me searching to find control.  And once I finally became aware that I was on a desperate search, I saw that the biggest change that happened since I came back home was that I have never felt quite like an adult before.  But know I am struck with a sense of being more grown up than ever.

How strange, to see your old life with little change observable to the eye in a new way.

In 10 months I have no plans.  I have no idea whether I will find that nursing really is my career or that I am called into something different.  I have no idea once my lease ends June 1, 2010 if I will be staying in KC or heading elsewhere.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end . . . I know everything God does will endure forever." (Ecclesiastes 3:11,14)

1 comment:

  1. If only you had had raisins, all the questions would evaporate. . .By the way, you are becoming such a grand adult. I like the changes and the honest reflection on life and what it means, and I like the freedom you are experiencing. Heck, I just like you. Love you.