The highlight of my day...

Note to self...

Research shows that spending time on your computer or watching TV prior to bed makes for less sleep, a poorer quality of sleep, and extended time falling asleep.

However, I am pretty sure watching an episode that ends with a man's carotid artery blowing all over his doctor is the LAST thing I should watch before I go to bed. I will clearly be too excited and horrified to sleep at all.

Guess it means I'll have time to read for class tomorrow.

A Realization While Walking

I like sour candy. A lot. Too much really. And I was recently informed by my nephew Micah and my mother that candy is not for grown-ups. That shattered my world. However, Micah told me I could have a cookie if I wanted. I am having a cookie in fact, at this very instant.

But I think I crave sour candy the most when I am stressed. One thing last semester taught me is that I don't get the nervous stomach or the fast heart rate or start sweating when I get stressed. No physical manifestation at all...except for the intense craving for sour candy.

I don't know how to handle that.

1 test down, 2 to go.

Panera

If you are looking for a new CD to purchase, you should consider Sandra McCracken's "Gypsy Flat Road".

I ate dinner by myself tonight. I wonder, do people find eating a meal alone in a restaurant uncomfortable or awkward or unnerving? Or do people not care?

Sometimes it is hard for me to see the economy in turmoil. I mean, I am sitting in Panera, and it's busy, and the Burger King across the street has a steady stream of cars through the drive thru (is it wrong to write "drive through"?). There are cars all around, driving to and from stores, burning up dollars of fuel. I have spent more money than I should have this weekend. (But really, that shirt was too cute...and ON SALE!)

But I notice the empty tip jar. I notice the people paying in all change. I see the unemployment. I hear enough stories of lost jobs.

I wish I knew how to better live my life in simplicity and frugality. I just find so much joy in "going", driving to Parkville to do homework because it gives me a new location, a new ability to focus. It's freeing. But going requires gas, and spending money on coffee once I get there.

So...there's no point to that rambling except to wonder out loud if going to Caribou Coffee makes me "that girl" who throws around money like it doesn't matter.

Hilarious.

Holla Haiti

So, it's not officially official. I haven't bought my plane ticket (but I know which one I will buy), and I haven't planned much, but the unofficial official phone call came yesterday.

I'M GOING TO HOLLYWOOD...I mean...HAITI.

So they plan is that I leave May 18th and fly back to the States in time for family vacation on July 1st.  That gives me six weeks in a country that I never would have thought would be in my future.

The Lord has been working through these months, opening doors I could not see and providing in ways that I did not expect.  He has provided money to allow my time in Haiti to even be feasible.  And for my last summer in college, I could not ask for a better beginning.

I know so little.  I have heard mostly stern warnings to steer clear of the country, to pick somewhere "better", "cleaner", "safer".  But for someone who makes decisions based on what her gut tells her, this is where I am going.  This is what I want to be.

I am scared out of my mind and nervous.  With the changes going on all around me, this is one more thing to add to the instability of life.  But I have allowed fear to stew and fester in my heart for too long, and I have allowed comfort and stability become what I seek.  

If I have learned anything this semester, it has been to view the brokenness of the world in a new and raw way.  I have watched schizophrenia and poverty and abuse tear apart a person's world.  And when brokenness overwhelmed, the Lord led me to a church service where this was shared:

"Yet even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts and not your garments." Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love; and he relents over disaster. - Joel 2:12-13

So my work is to render my heart, lay down the broken pieces for Him to save, for He is the gracious one.  He has relented over disaster.  And that hope gives me courage to step past the fear.  So holla Haiti, here I come - unofficially official.