Becoming Whole

This summer I went through a period of feeling extremely vulnerable and without support, and allowed one person's opinion of me to make me feel worthless to others. The disconnect I felt with other people was quickly spurring me into the arms of Jesus. For the next few weeks I rested in His love. And then, with a mending spirit I gradually fell away again. I felt my dependence upon Him waning. As Hosea 13:6 says "When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me." The numbness in my spiritual walk returned, and thus have I peregrinated over the few weeks. Last night, however, I finished Hosea and came upon words that drew me again to the realization of the constance and perfection of His love.

"How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?...
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused
I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man--
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath." (11:8-9)
"I will ransom them from the power of the grave;
I will redeem them from death.
Where, O death, are your plagues?
Where, O grave, is your destruction?" (13:14)

My dependence upon the affections of the world has left me handed over - affections of the world are not consistent or constant. And though the sin and rejection of Israel was great, His love was greater. His love has not changed, and neither has our sin. But He comes and redeems us from our death.

I love jigsaw puzzles; to take a box of pieces and make them into a picture can keep me rooted to a puzzle for hours. A pet peeve would be when there are missing pieces, because then the picture is imperfect and not complete. I have come to see my heart as an unfinished puzzle. I have missing pieces, large holes of imperfections, insecurities, inabilities. Holes that I will never in my power be able to fill. They are left for Him to mend. As Sara Groves says "Love wash over a multitude of things; make us whole."

"Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
but He will heal us;
He has injured us
but He will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the Lord;
let us press on to acknowledge Him.
As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth." (6:1-3)